My Real Life Soap Opera
by Spinestalker
Summary: With no direction, insomnia, and an overbearing family, Sasuke embraced his crippling soap opera addiction. The only man he needed in his life was Minato Namikaze, daytime actor and part time god. Unfortunately, real life doesn't like to be ignored. NaruSasu
1. One

**Sasuke prefered his soap operas to remain 3am reruns. The same type of drama that once gave him stability during long nights of sleeplessness is starting to bleed into his daylight time! Before it's all over, he won't be sure if he should blame those four old ladies or thank them. Main dish of NaruSasu and double helpings of Minato/Sasuke and Kiba/Sakura on the side.**

**Warnings for drinking. And for political and moral decisions that some may not be kosher with. I do try to address them with the respect and realistic view that both sides deserve. They are not a main theme but does come up as a prominent plot device.**

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My Real-Life Soap Opera

By: Spinestalker

Gabriel Lancaster's head was bowed low, brilliant blue eyes hidden with a convenient cascade of blond fringe, however his turmoil was not lost from the scene. His shoulders tensed, his fist tightened at his sides and he did not look up to meet the watering brown eyes of Miko Kai. As if sensing how close she was to losing her goal, panic flashed across her face and she ran forward, long purple hair fanning behind her dramatically, to wrap her arms around him. Gabriel's handsome features winced, but he didn't return the embrace.

He should push her away. There were a million reasons and the owner of the black eyes voyeuristically glued to the doomed couple knew each and every one of them.

Their family was the most obvious one. The Lancaster/Kai feud was quickly reaching its dramatic heights as Gabriel's twin brother stood trial for Miko's aunt's death (no body, of course, was found, but the proof was rock solid) but Sasuke Uchiha would never say something as restrictive as family should get in the way. Having spent half his life trying to be accepted by his own and the other half not giving a fuck, he had learned what daddy wanted wasn't wholly as important as the self. At least if you wanted to remain sane.

It wasn't the age difference. Miko, while half Gabriel's age, was hardly older than Sasuke, and frankly if Sasuke had half the chance he'd fuck Gabriel's brains out, too.

The fact that Miko was a conniving bitch who was using the aftermath of their ill-fated one night stand to trick Gabriel into marriage was also hardly enough for Sasuke to disapprove of the relationship. If he had a uterus and that blond blue eyed god was the prize, he wasn't sure he wouldn't do the exact same.

No, no. It was because Gabriel was in love with the beautiful Lorie, who was married to the business tycoon Rex Renaldo but she was twice as forbidden as the woman Gabriel slowly wrapped his arms around.

An abused thumbnail was further ravaged by impatient teeth as the scene unfolded. Sasuke already knew what was going to happen. He'd watched this soap long enough to know that Miko would get what she wanted tonight. They were alone in Gabriel's apartment and sex, being the most popular plot device for ratings, was soon to follow.

Sasuke's mouth watered in jealousy as Gabriel bent down to press a kiss to the woman's lips. She was quick to respond, clinging to him passionately. After a moment, the two broke away enough to pull Gabriel's shirt off, revealing the eye candy aimed at the thousands of housewives across the fire nation that watched the show.

It never failed, at least once a week, they made sure to have this actor take his shirt off, no matter the arbitrary reasons.

A longing ache rocked through Sasuke's core as he drank in the sight on the actor's toned and muscular form. The lucky woman reached forward, running her small hand over his abs and pecs in admiration.

From the darkness of his kitchen came the annoying barking of a dog, the ring tone he'd selected for his best friend. He spared a glance from the delicious man to see a clock claimed 3:30am and momentarily wondered what the fuck Sakura was doing calling him at such a god-awful hour, but in the next second realized it was because she knew he was awake.

The sex scene was unfortunately cut short and faded to a fabric softener commercial. Typical when it wasn't couples the fans rooted for. There had been almost 5 unbroken minutes of conveniently placed sheets and arms when Gabriel and Lorie's passion finally erupted.

With a sigh of disappointment he pushed away from the couch to retrieve the still yiping contraption.

"Hey, I didn't wake you did I?"

Sasuke puffed. "It's monday, what do you think?"

"Was just making sure." Sakura paused as if she had something else to say. She kept to a normal sleeping schedule, so it was odd to be hearing from her so late. When he heard her take a breath to speak again but exhaled without any words he felt a frown pull on his lips.

"What is it?"

"I... I made a really bad mistake."

Sasuke quickly came up with at least ten that she could be talking about, but if it was keeping her up so late, it was clearly bigger than nine of them.

"Is this about Kiba?" He tried not to sound so exasperated, but it was hard to do when he'd watched her waffle on about her boyfriend.

She hesitated, probably knowing what he was thinking, before letting out an affirmative _mmhmm_.

Sasuke exhaled a long breath of air to delay his response, looking at the TV just in time to see Soap Channel list the timetable for the rest of the night, indicating his show was about to come back on. He was going to miss part of it, but he supposed it couldn't be helped.

"Bring some of those fries from the dinner on the way."

She let out a soft laugh. "I'll be there in 15."

Sasuke acknowledged her with a grunt but hoped it would take 30.

He hung up just in time to catch Gabriel's twin, Dante tell the prosecutor, in a cool and sexy voice, that they would let the jury decide. Played by the same man, and being the evil twin, Dante did things to Sasuke's hormones that made him feel like his blood had turned molten.

Sakura would have a 3am crisis the one day they decided to pursue both brother's storylines. His irritation had only a little to do with missing the story itself and everything to do with the raging crush he nurtured for the actor.

Minato Namikaze wasn't the one that Sasuke could credit to making him realise his sexual preference. He'd had a vague understanding he liked boys when he was still in grade school and hadn't been surprised when puberty hit and his boners were directed at the thought of kissing attractive guys. Minato, however, and the dramatized storylines of Will of Fire, had come at a time when Sasuke had needed something stable.

At the tender age of 14 Sasuke's life started to fall apart. His supportive and understanding older brother left for graduate school in Suna and his mother, who had always been a solid foundation, became pregnant with his little brother. She'd been placed under strict bed rest and a stress free environment. This left the teenager to the full brunt of his father's ire.

That was the year Fugaku Uchiha chose to push his political career to the next level by running for a council seat. This placed his entire family under the microscope and he began to pick and smooth over any flaws that might tarnish the image he wanted. Disapproval of Sasuke, whether of his sexuality or any number other '_choices_', had became an almost constant topic.

Going to bed every night feeling like an inadequate member of the powerful family, he, at first, thought the insomnia was a natural reaction to stress. He'd lay in bed, listening to his beating heart, counting the chimes of a grandfather clock as the hours passed by, while willing his body to shut down. Some nights, he wanted to sleep so badly the pain made him feel vulnerable. Sometimes he thought he he had drifted off, but when his alarm clock rang, he'd realize he's just became lost in thought deep enough to make it feel like he was dreaming. When he did sleep, it was hardly a few hours, and that was after a night of effort.

His grades started to slip as his concentration wondered easily during class. This only gave his father something else to gripe at him about.

After Haku was born, and his mother noticed how often Sasuke reached the crying infant first, he finally told her how little he slept. It took a year of doctors to finally figure out that his inability to sleep wasn't going to be solved by therapy, antidepressants, or a diet change. They'd said it was probably hormonal, something he'd outgrow, and in the meantime gave him a series of sleep medications to help him rest at night.

He loved his meds. He cherished each pill as if it were a tiny universe that took him to a black dreamless place far from the noisy stressful world of consciousness. There was just one problem with the ones that worked: they made him hate the world.

While all teenagers exhibit varying degrees of emotional irrationality, the meds left Sasuke feeling aberrant, angry, and hateful the next day. Though actually waking up and getting to school on time became a struggle, his grades improved with his increased concentration. However, fights became commonplace. With his dad, with his mom, with his brother, with the stupid jerk who really needed to learn some new homophobic jokes.

Unable to stand the lack of self control, he'd stopped taking them unless he knew he was able to avoid the world the next day. It usually left one solid night of sleep a week, which proved to still be better than none at all. At least in a sleep deprived state he was too exhausted to act on his ire.

With the weeknights once again open to the rule of sleeplessness, he'd found comfort in cable TV. At first he prefered one of the many educational documentaries, but at 3am every night the networks all sold their timeslots to paid advertisement. Some nights he'd just give up to get what rest he could and others he'd channel surf, stopping only long enough for a commercial to come on before changing it again.

It was on one of these nights that Sasuke first laid eyes on Minato.

It had been early in his role on the show. Gabriel, who was actually Dante, had came to town to reclaim his lost love, who was now married to Gabriel's childhood best friend. Sasuke hadn't had a clue what was going on, only that he'd been struck with how attractive the man was. It had been enough to get him to tune in the next night. And the next. Before he'd known it he was smitten with the handsome actor and deeply involved in the plot of the show. When he'd realised many of the characters, including the sexy twins, had tie ins with a sister show called One's Own Life, he started watching that too.

During all of this, his father lost his bid for election. It had given him even more motivation to remind Sasuke how much better everything would be if he was just more like his brother.

Those late night soap operas became an anchoring port which he could weather his own life by worrying about someone else's life. Though the chronic insomnia didn't stop and Sasuke still found comfort in the loves and betrayals of fictional characters.

Also Minato.

He became a safe place to direct his urges. At night, when no one else was up, Sasuke was allowed to explore homosexual thoughts he was pressured to pretend didn't exist during the day. He would gaze at him candidly, using the imagery provided to augment his own imagination. His crush helped reinforce his own self image. He was gay. He wasn't confused like his father said, he knew exactly who he was and what he wanted.

As he got older, and experienced the reality of ill-fated relationships, the actor unwittingly became Sasuke's emotional safebox. After his first boyfriend fell short of his Minato measured expectations, and then he, himself, fell short of the stringent Uchiha expectations of the second, Sasuke quickly realized that real people weren't worth the vulnerability created in his well defended wall. He never had to fear rejection from the face on screen, he never had to feel inadequate. It didn't matter that Sasuke's grades were less than perfect, or that his walls were being held up by duct tape, Minato gave his support by being there, lighting up the dark night with a flickering LCD screen.

More than once, when faced with the cold demands of his own, Sasuke wished the blond actor was his father. He would wonder what it would be like to have a father who cared about his son and not his political career. He had a carefully constructed image of the man behind the scenes, and Sasuke idolized it as both a father and a lover.

He continued to watch the plot unfold before once again being interrupted by commercials targeted at middle aged mothers. When the show came back on, showing a scene that starred neither of the Lancaster brothers, he resigned that they probably were done showing Gabriel and Dante for the night and was instead focusing on other aspects of their plights.

Sakura was knocking on his door by the end of the next commercial break, foam takeout box in hand. He accepted her offering gratefully before ushering her in. She took one look at the screen before rolling her eyes.

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Shut up," he said as he retrieved the ketchup. She knew he watched it, and she knew what he thought about the actor, however he had never bothered to try and explain it more than saying that Minato was his lover, he just didn't know it yet.

"You have got to get a real boyfriend. You're going to become a crazy cat lady. Maybe you can learn to knit tea cosies?"

"Shut up. Just because I choose to not be in a constant state of relationship anxiety."

She gave him a crooked smile as he joined her on the couch. She knew he was talking about her. So in love with the idea of having someone, she often clung desperately to any relationship even if it was doomed to frustrate her endlessly. Her latest was in its second year

"Speaking of..." he queued her. She let out a long breath, swiping a fry from the greasy pile.

"I broke up with him."

"Good." Thank god.

"I just keep thinking it's just not going to work out, you know?"

"I do." She'd been going on and on about how Kiba simply wasn't ever going to commit.

"And things are just getting so complicated."

He nodded sagely as he stuffed a ketchup coated fry in his mouth.

"He was going to ask me to marry him."

Sasuke choked on air, he shot her a glare, expecting her to be joking to make sure he was paying attention, but the look on her face was deadly serious.

"It's a good thing you broke up now, then."

She _mmmm_ in what sounded more like indecision than agreement.

He let out a sigh, closing his eyes to the annoyed twinge that threatened to show. She was interrupting his nightly love affair for more flip flopping. As if sensing his irritation, she retreated, slightly slouching back in the couch.

"Do you love him or not?"

"Yea..."

"I thought this was what you wanted."

"It is."

"Then what the fuck, Sakura?"

She hesitated and Sasuke could already read that there was so much more she wasn't saying. He kept his eyes locked on her downcast face and waited for more. She took a deep breath before finally speaking.

"I'm pregnant."

The words didn't register at first and he waited for something to be added on before the shock settled in and the full realization hit him.

Sakura was pregnant.

"I just needed time to think about what I wanted to do."

Sasuke struggled for a response, but the silence between the two was poignant enough to smother him. There were implications behind her words, but he dared not think about them directly.

"Is that why...? I mean.. is it Kiba's?"

His question sounded worse out loud then they had in his head, but he didn't know how to follow them up to soften the blow so instead he braced himself for her outburst.

"Of course! I'm not a slut, Sasuke! How can you even ask that?"

"I - sorry. I just..." It was very unlike him to be at a loss for words. Sasuke was a Uchiha, who notoriously had an opinion for everything. Perhaps were it anyone other than his closest friend he would have had plenty to say, but as it was he was too scared to vocalize any of the fleeting thoughts that crossed his mind.

"Do you know what you're going to do?"

She shruged in an non-answer, her eyes glued to where she worried her hands. Sakura, like Sasuke, was from a very traditional family. As soon as word she was pregnant got out, she would be expected to marry Kiba, however Kiba's was from a well established progressive clan and if Kiba didn't want to...

But she had just said he was going to ask her to marry him!

He rubbed his forehead, annoyed at how wishy washy she was.

"Have you made a doctor's appointment? I mean..."

"I'm... going to make one tomorrow." She finally lifted her wide and watery green eyes, looking much younger than 20.

"What are you thinking about if you keep it?" He tried to sound as neutral as he could without coming off as harsh. Again she responded with a shrug before the two fell back into a silence.

This was the kind of choice was far easier when you weren't the one making it. Sasuke would never pressure her, but he had known her since grade school, and he could already tell she was wanting to make the decision she would regret most.

As the silence dragged on, the television continued to unravel its story, however Sasuke was too distracted by the permeating unease that settled between the two. He felt like he should say something but the clenching in his chest kept him quiet.

He focused his attention on his fries, though they were now tasteless. It was a long time before she finally spoke.

"You mind if I just sleep here?"

"Bed's all your's."

She usually came here to sleep so she didn't have to be alone. It had been a while since she'd had Kiba's place to crash at. She nodded before slowly pushing to her feet, looking as tired as Sasuke felt. He considered joining her, but decided he'd just toss and turn and keep her awake. With much on his mind he turned to the TV, giving the last few minutes of his soap only half his attention.

OOO

At some point, on the 5th day of less than 6 hours of sleep, the obtuse feeling of not existing began to slowly become more acute. It took him three times as long to react to something someone said to him or process a simple thought. His body didn't seem to acknowledge his brain's orders in real time, he'd think to grab something and his heavy arm might lift to do it a minute later. Sometimes he could concentrate, focus all his effort on one task, and as long as he could complete it in a few seconds, he could get things done.

Which was why it felt like it was almost two full minutes of blank staring before he reached out to grab the object of his mindless attention. It was a soap magazine, on the cover showing the beautiful Minato standing between the women who played Miko and Lorie as they clung to him possessively. He held it in his hands, fascinated with the way the blue background brought out the actor's eyes sharply.

God, he was so hot.

Suddenly reminded that he was standing at a checkout line, he glanced around, worried he had been standing and staring blankly for too long. The line hadn't moved since he stepped into it and now stretched out several full buggies behind him. Apparently there was only one lane open, servicing the busiest time of day, and the one customer who had to have a coupon for everything got there first.

He let out a groan before turning back to the magazine rack, trying to see if any of the others had Gabriel or Dante's story headlined. There was some with bold text saying to see inside, but none with pictures and thus none worth the effort.

He started to flip through the one in his hand to the headlining article. He ignored the bold text that read "Shocking Revelations" in favor of the picture. He avoided reading them on principle, and that he even held one in his hand now was tell tale of his fading lucidity.

"You know, Jaina is coming back." A woman leaned over his shoulder, speaking to him in a conspiratorial tone. Her face was smooth and chest big, and while he could tell she was older, he got the feeling that surgery had altered her age quite a bit.

He vaguely felt the want to dismiss her. He never talked about these things to anyone. It was outside the confines of the late night timeslot he allowed his obsession. However, the information was tantalizing enough, and his curiosity clashed with his phlegmatic instincts.

Jaina was the woman Dante had been accused of killing. He sometimes caught information from snippits and interviews during breaks in the show but the woman who played her left for another network's show.

"Really? I thought the actress quit?"

Clearly delighted she had been right on his interests, she cocked a smirk. "She did, but the woman who played her before is coming back."

Sasuke had a hard time remembering what the previous actress looked like, having watched the current one for the last two years.

"Huh. I knew Dante didn't kill her, I just didn't think they'd rush that plot."

"I imagine they have something big to do at the trial next week. But I'm sure he did something to her."

"Of course. She knew where his son was. Lancasters are crazy about their offspring." Sasuke nodded, closing the magazine and putting it back on the rack. Despite never having spoken of his nightly escape to anyone extensively, he found it easy to slip into conversation with the woman.

She made an _mmmhmm_, letting her eyes take in the sight of the younger man, leaving Sasuke feeling like a piece of meat before a hungry lion.

Or was it cougar?

"I'm surprised such a young man as you watches Will of Fire."

"I'm madly in love with Minato Namikaze." It took a moment for Sasuke's sleep deprived brain to process what he'd said. Talking about the show was one thing. Talking about that was something on another level.

To his credit he didn't wince, but it might have been because exhaustion delayed the reaction. He wasn't blatant about his sexuality, however he wasn't afraid to use it as self defence. He retroactively chalked it up to displaying boundaries.

The woman burst out laughing, a boisterous and abrupt sound that caused everyone around them to eye her as if she'd lost her mind.

"You and half the housewives in the nation." She lifted a hand, clapping him on the back hard enough to jar him forward. "You know he's not gay, right?"

"That doesn't really matter at 3am, does it?"

She chuckled her agreement. "I like you, kid. What are you doing this wednesday night?"

He gawked at her as if she'd grown a second head. She wasn't still trying to hit on him was she?

"Pardon?"

"A few of us get together every week, a book club of sorts, though we always end up talking about our soaps."

Her words invoked an image of a bunch of old grannies that smelled like dentine forcing him to wear gaudy sweaters and drink tea out of hundred year old china. There wasn't a single appealing thing in the whole scenario.

His mouth was not collaborating with his brain.

"Sure."

His own unhesitating agreement shocked adrenaline into him, waking him up like cold water.

"I mean, um.. If I can. I have stuff..." Actually he had nothing. No school, no job. His brain scrambled for a follow up. "Yeah."

Pro, Sasuke, pro.

The grin that came across her face was frightening, and the glint in her eyes was as sharp as daggers. She rifled through her huge (very expensive and name brand, he noticed) purse to pull out a pen and pad of paper. He took it hesitantly, looking at it as if it would do some sort of dangerous magical trick if he held it wrong.

"Why don't you give me your number. I'll call you with the time and place later."

There were so many things wrong with this, he realized as he scribbled a series of numbers down. The first and foremost in his mind was that he'd given his real number. After handing it back she produced a business card.

"Tsunade," she said.

He was transfixed to see it listed her title as Head Seat of Konoha Hospital board of directors. He had imagined she was a housewife to some rich old fool, not a successful doctor. He gave the woman, Tsunade, a once over before offering his own name.

"Sasuke." He was always careful never to give his last name. Older people judged Uchihas by a different stick, and he'd long grown tired of the burden of his name. People either loved his clan for their traditional values or hated them for being old fashioned. Either way, Sasuke didn't want to hear it.

The line finally moved, the woman in front of him letting out a ragged sigh as the cashier finally got the coupon lady bagged and out the door. Sasuke lifted his basket and shifted forward. Tsunade kept grinning lecherously.

"The girls are going to love you, Sasuke."

That was what he was scared of.

OOO

The day Sasuke started college was the day he moved out of his family's manor but he wasn't naive enough to think he was 'out on his own.' His bills were still paid for by his father, who had agreed only after an arduous discussion on the benefits it would have on Sasuke's schooling. He'd insisted living away from home would be good for his health, increasing his ability to sleep, which would help with his grades. He wouldn't be too far from them, only a 40 minute bus ride, and he'd be closer to school, which would increase his attendance which would also have a positive effect on his academics. He planned to finish a 6 year degree in 4, just like Itachi.

But, most importantly, Sasuke would be out of his father's hair while still very much under his thumb. That part had been implied, but not spoken

Itachi had commented that Sasuke should reconsider politics for all the bull shitting he did to get his way.

He had acclimated quickly the first year. So determined to prove to his father he could, he had excelled, reinforcing his insomnia with caffeine to get his double workload of easy classes over with. All had been fine, right up until the first semester of his second year when the difficulty of classes clashed with his workload negatively, adding more fuel to his restless nights. He slipped bad enough in the next he'd had to drop all of his classes to salvage his GPA.

Thats why he was dreading the day he opened his door to find his mother sitting at his kitchen table with two cups and a teapot.

Sasuke's shoulders slouched and he dropped his grocery bags on the counter.

"Mother."

"Sasuke."

She was still beautiful, however her third child and her husband's political career had aged her twenty years in the last five. While, her makeup was perfect and hair clean and shiny, Sasuke could see her weariness. The way she gripped her teacup with both hands a little harder than needed to keep from shaking, the puffiness under her eyes. When she gave him with her typical soft and loving smile, he could see the wrinkles around her mouth and eyes. He felt guilty that she even had to make the trip, knowing this was an out of the way stop in a very busy day.

When she took a breath, he braced himself for what she had to say.

"You're father is very disappointed you quit school."

"It's only this semester." He didn't want to admit it was because he had taken on too much and was too stressed. That would be defeatism, and something Uchihas did not do.

"You father told you before he wouldn't continue to pay for your...," she waved her hand to indicate the apartment, "for this if you let your grades slip below 3.0."

Sasuke's small apartment was modest. It gave him the basics within a reasonable amount of comfort, Sakura's apartment was much worse, but it still wasn't much compared to the Uchiha Manor.

He felt smaller and as inadequate as his apartment was to his mom. She seemed to see this and motioned for him to sit.

"Come, have some tea. Talk to your mother."

He shifted his feet as she poured the second cup but resigned himself into sitting across from her. He wrapped his hands around the warm porcelain, eyes glued to the light green liquid.

"Sasuke. We're worried about you."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"You've not been sleeping."

"I haven't had a whole lot of time to sleep."

"You don't have a job, and you don't have any classes. What are you doing that's taking up all your time?"

He didn't show any signs of having an answer; not for her, not for himself. His days and nights were spent mostly in a blur. He'd read or watch TV. Sometimes Sakura showed up to drag him somewhere. He turned his head away from her, ashamed at his own lack of drive.

His mother gave a patient sigh and reached across the table, cupping her hands over his own.

"Come home, Sasuke. You always have a place with your family."

"I'm not interested in dad's politics," he blurted out with a harsher tone than intended. He finally met her eyes. "I'm sorry I just..." he could have finished off with a hundred thoughts, but they all sounded like excuses. He hated excuses as much as his father.

"Sasuke.. I..." she paused and he watched her take a breath and pull her hand back to her own cup as she composed her thoughts.. "Your father wanted me to tell you that you either need to get a job and pay your own bills, go back to school, or come home."

Ultimatums. Great. It was usually a good sign his father was close to putting his foot down. Sasuke would have to proceed cautiously or risk being drug back kicking and screaming.

"I'm going to be taking summer classes." He hadn't actually planned on it, but he would say anything to appease his parents.

"Summer is three months from now. Your father is wanting something now."

"It's too late, I already dropped my classes."

Her lips set into a deep frown and the creases of age on her face became starkly noticeable.

"Maybe you can work at your father's office until then."

As soon as the words were in the air, Sasuke let out a horrified gasp.

"Mom, that would drive me crazy! You think I'm sick now?"

She was both affronted and disappointed by this reaction, however clearly not surprised. "It would behove you to at least show some support for your father."

"Like he's shown me?"

"Is that what this is about?"

"Mom, you know it isn't."

She didn't believe him with a frown, and Sasuke turned away again because he didn't either.

A long silence followed and Sasuke noticed it was 2:12. Today's episode of Will of Fire had started it's daytime airing 12 minutes ago, not that it mattered. Sasuke always saved it for night.

"I'll talk to your father." Words he'd heard heard a million times in his life. He looked back at her with cautious hope. "But, I think it would help a lot if you come to the political rally next friday. Its re-election year for your father's seat."

He wanted to groan and beg for something else, but decided he could afford an inch. "Okay."

Satisfied she stood up briskly and he scrambled to follow her to the door.

"I need to get your brother from school but Sasuke," she turned to meet his eyes, but he kept his downcast. "Your father and I do love you. Promise me you'll get some sleep."

"Yeah." And he would. He'd planned to take something and wake up in time to see One's Own Life at 2am. She smiled at him softly before leaning in to press a kiss to his cheek.

"Don't be such a stranger. Haku misses you. You should come over and see your family every now and then."

He nodded, still too ashamed to look at her directly. She gave him one last smile before leaving. Sasuke pressed his head to the door with his eyes closed, trying to wash away the creeping guilt with thoughts of nothing. Deciding that the dreamless sleep the pills promised would be most welcome, he finally pushed away to go to his bedroom.

OOO

Ten pm came with a banging on his door, pulling him violently from medicated nothingness with all the subtlety of a barking dog, which was the sound coming from his bedside table. He opened his eyes, wincing at his phone's angry light as he tried to assimilate the information being shoved into his groggy brain. He buried his face into his pillow, reaching blindly to answer Sakura's call.

The banging stopped as soon as the call connected.

"Answer your damn door, Sasu-kuuun."

He winced at the nickname and made no effort to raise up from the comfort of his bed.

"Are you drunk?"

"Yesssssss..." she hissed slowly. "Open up!"

He groaned, checking the time before finally pushing away his sheats. "Give me a sec."

Sasuke didn't try and pretend to like Sakura when he opened his door, giving her a glower that would have left most whimpering and hiding. Hell, it would have left her scared if it weren't for her inebriation. Instead she moved forward, wrapping her arms around his neck and over overwhelming his senses with the smell of booze.

"Sasu-kun! I knew you'd come!"

Sasuke stumbled, her added weight shaking his imbalanced legs. "Is it really okay for you to be doing this?"

"It's a non-issue," she said as if she didn't really care, throwing her arms into the air before she headed for his bedroom. He frowned disapprovingly, knowing damn well she never got this drunk for _non-issues_. He followed, hoping she would fall asleep in his bed, but instead found her riffling through his closet.

"What are you doing?" he asked as he caught a pair of black pants she tossed at him.

"Makin' you sexy." she bent over as she pulled through clothes, her short skirt riding up inappropriately. "Gonna take you to a club."

He averted his eyes from the sight, lifting his hand to rub his forehead. "I think you've had enough."

She stood up, deep blue button up in hand.

"Oh no way, Sasu-kun!" She made her way over to him and pulled at the hem of his shirt. "Come on! The night is young! There's a party at the Delta house tomorrow, we are totally gonna be there."

Sasuke glared at her with all he was worth. "No, I'm not. I'm going back to bed and you are staying here. You are in no condition to go out partying like this."

"I told you, non-issue! It will be over monday." With a forceful tug she jerked his shirt up, and he was forced to let it come off or strangle him. "Right now, I wanna party! All these election rallies have the youthful population of Konoha rallying for something FUN to do. So!" She handed him the shirt. "Dress appropriately!"

Realization slapped him like a water balloon, and he clenched his jaw in ire. He could see the path she was headed, and he already knew it was a dark tunnel that would only leave her hating herself, at best. Sakura had a bad habit of making the wrong decisions because she thought it was what she should do.

"So is this what you're going to do? Spend the weekend wasted and cement your decision to get an abortion?"

"It's my choice, Sasuke."

"You're absolutely right, it is," he paused and she gave him a victorious grin before he continued, "but I think you're making the wrong decision for you."

She huffed indignance and snubbed her nose to the air. "Fine, I'll go party alone."

Sasuke looked at the clock longingly as she stumbled past him, pausing at the door jamb to pull off her heels. If he went out clubbing with her there was a good chance he wouldn't make it home by 3, never mind 2. But if she went out clubbing and got into trouble, she wouldn't be the only one with an abundance of regrets.

"No wait," he called, "I'll come, just give me a second."

"Good! Ino is dragging her boys to that new swanky place down the block. Going to be awe- some."

OOO

Sasuke lost Sakura to the dance floor as soon as they were engulfed in the flashing lights of the club. He considered following her, but saw her slither up to the lithe dancing form of Ino. Deciding he was just going to have to trust his reckless friend to the other woman, he immediately headed to the table Shikamaru and Chouji occupied.

"I'm surprised she managed to get you out here," he said, just barely able to hear his own voice over the bass in the music.

Shikamaru sighed, crushing his cigarette against the glass ashtray. "It's troublesome."

"Same could be said for you. I haven't seen you in a while." Chouji said as Sasuke slipped into one of the stools.

"She's had Kiba to distract her." He hadn't meant for it to come out as a sneer, but now that he was here he was quickly wishing he'd just blown Sakura off. If she wanted to self destruct, why drag him along to watch?

"Yeaaaaah, about that," Shikamaru drawled, nodding in the direction of the bar. There was Kiba laughing with some random woman. Sasuke felt his stomach drop and he quickly sought to spot Sakura on the dance floor. She was hand in hand with Ino, headed to the bar, apparently unaware her ex and half the cause of her troubles was only a few people away.

"Could today get any better?" he asked fate under his breath, rolling his eyes and turning away. Anger swept over him and he felt the urge to slam his fist into something. He eyed the bottle next to Chouji and decided a higher blood alcohol level would help to dilute his irritation.

Shikamaru, noticing his interest, pushed a shot glass full of the clear liquid at him. He took it gratefully and threw the burning liquid to the back of his throat without hesitation. He winced as he realized it was vodka.

Fuck vodka.

He let the heat spread from his belly to his cheeks and watched as Chouji poured more. This was a bad idea, but he still took the second, then the third.

"So, what'd she do to get you out, anyways?"

"Showed up drunk and kidnapped me."

"That'd do it."

They shared another round of shots, before Sasuke took a few more, feeling the rush to catch up. The liquor quickly warmed his core, making him feel much more relaxed. Vodka was a weakness that left him talkative. It always made him go on about things he wouldn't dare share any other time, and it also made his emotional responses stronger. If it would make him happy, he got giddy, if it made him mad.. well.. he just hoped he wouldn't actually have to deal with anything like that tonight.

As Sakura and Ino found their way to the boy's table, he once again remembered Kiba was there. She still seemed oblivious as she wrapped her arms around Sasuke's neck.

"Sasu-kun! Dance with me!" She started moving to the beat of the song, forcing his body to sway with her. He obliged, letting her drag him to the center of the wreathing mass. The vodka was biting him harder, and he felt the world become a blur of lights and noise. It wasn't unlike being awake for a long time, only with more energy. He enjoyed the rush of the motion, the thumping of the music.

He wasn't too drunk to notice the predatory gaze in some of the men's eyes as they watched the pink haired girl lose herself to the music. More than once one of them would try and join, and seeing Sakura wasn't in a state to reject them, he would smoothly spin her away.

At the start of a new song, Sasuke was glad to see Ino saunter up to them, dancing with Sakura between them, her arms wrapped around her friend's shoulders from behind in a protective manner. Seeing Sakura was in safe hands, he nodded to Ino before slipping in the direction of the bar. He tried to keep an eye on Kiba but he'd disappeared to somewhere else.

Sasuke hadn't realized how heated his skin had gotten until the cooler air around the bar swept over his face. It felt amazing.

The bartender started mixing a drink for someone else before Sasuke could get his attention, but decided he could wait and slipped onto an empty stool. Out of habit, he looked at his phone to check the time, even though he had already resigned himself to not getting to see his soaps tonight.

"I'm surprised you'd just leave her alone in a state like that."

Sasuke frowned darkly before turning to tell off whatever loser was talking to him, but the words froze instantly in his throat. The blond man giving him a dubious look was probably disgusted that Sasuke had left his drunk friend to the wolves on the dance floor but Sasuke himself was too flabbergasted to be insulted.

Even in the dim light, this man couldn't have been mistaken for Minato Namikaze, at least not to the infatuated Sasuke. Rounder eyes, slightly shorter hair, his face was somewhat more boyish, placing him closer to Sasuke's own age, but the likeness was enough to catch him off guard

The man gave him a pointed frown, waiting for an answer from the transfixed Sasuke. He tried opening his mouth a few times before finally glancing to the floor, momentarily forgetting he was being questioned about Sakura. Ino's dance with Sakura was as inappropriate as the song's lyrics were, but she kept the perverts away with a dirty look.

"Oh, Ino can take care of her."

The blond man followed his gaze, but relaxed a little. Sasuke found it odd that the stranger was so protective over his friend, but when he turned back and once again took in his features he became distracted.

Sasuke was painfully attracted.

"You know, most guys would take advantage of two hot chicks all but having sex on the dance floor."

"They aren't really my type."

"I'm terrified to know what your type is then."

Sasuke had a feeling the man just might. He was clearly straight. He looked it. He smelled it. Even the way he was holding his beer was heterosexual. From the tone, he probably expected a man as handsome as Sasuke to have even higher and impossible standards to the beautiful ladies dancing together.

Normally he didn't act like this around strangers. Being an Uchiha, it was easy for anything he did to get back to his father via a nosy reporter. However, with this man's uncanny resemblance to his infatuation, as well as the vodka blurring his self control, he couldn't resist grin that spread across his face. He hadn't realized how hungry he was until he saw this delicious meal. He dragged his eyes over him, taking note of the toned arms, the way his white shirt clung to what had to be a formed chest, then up to meet the other's shocked blue eyes.

"Male."

He had expected rejection, or maybe even a nervous laughter followed by a quick exit, but Sasuke was instead surprised with a flash of interest in his eyes. Sasuke's grin turned dangerous as his interest in this man suddenly ran even deeper than just his resemblance to Minato. Sasuke could see himself crawling all over the other, doing things that would leave this man's craving more.

And, unlike Sasuke's exs, he wouldn't have to close his eyes to pretend he was Minato.

Sasuke realized how heavily the alcohol was affecting him as he pressed his hand against the man's leg, but lust was building and Sasuke didn't care if this was on the front page tomorrow. The man's eyes darted down to Sasuke's creeping hand, but made no move to pull away. Encouraged, Sasuke pressed closer, running his hand up between his thighs.

"You're drunk," the man stated.

"I'd drop on my knees and suck you off right now even if I was sober." He knew how much like a slut his words made him sound, but he didn't care. Any man who looked enough like Minato would probably garner the same reaction regardless of his blood alcohol level. He had dreamed of the actor for most of his sexually mature life, and while he had no chance with the real thing, cheap knockoffs were not out of the question.

There was a twinge in the blond's crotch, his eyes lifting up to run over Sasuke's face. The hot lust that was spinning like a whirlpool in Sasuke's belly spread, bringing the rest of his body to pay full attention to this man.

Sasuke had never known a single moment in his life when he'd wanted something so badly. He wanted to titillate this man's bi-curiosity and champion any experimental endeavors.

The interest in the blond's eyes was growing, and as soon as there was an opening, he was going to do whatever it took to take this man home tonight.

"Really now..." came the man's belated response. The words were spoken slowly, as if to build up confidence. Sasuke felt a rush of victory when he shifted his leg, turning to face Sasuke fully.

"Sasuke."

Ino's voice was like cold water on the scene, and the object of his attention pulled away quickly as the woman appeared next to them. He turned to shoot her daggers, but the hard look on her face paused his anger.

"We have a problem."

It took Sasuke a second to realize what she meant, then spun to scan the crowd for pink hair. He spotted her surrounded by the formerly dancing crowd, having a face off with another woman. Her fist was raised threateningly, and the only thing keeping her back was Chouji and Shikamaru's arms around her waist.

He cursed and made to slip off his stool, but in that moment realized that several shots in such a short time probably hadn't been the smartest thing ever. His equilibrium was violently assaulted by waves of dunk as soon as his feet hit the floor. He started to sway dangerously to the side and both Ino and the stranger grabbed his shoulders to keep him from toppling.

"Are you okay?" came the smooth voice of the man and he gave a grunt in response, not daring to nod his head until he found his balance. Once the world stopped spinning, he quickly forced his legs to Sakura's side, Ino hot on his heels.

"I think YOU are the one who needs to back off, keep your bitch on a leash and move along," Sakura shooed a man standing next to the other woman. Sasuke stepped between them, blocking Sakura's view of the couple. Bouncers were quickly making their way through the crowd in their direction and Sasuke did not want them to get caught in anything that would get the police called.

"Come on, lets go." Chouji and Shikamaru dropped their hold on her for Sasuke to take it, bodily directing his friend backwards. Several burly men stepped up, putting a hand out to keep the altercation from escalating. Sasuke already had his irate friend moving towards the exit, leaving Ino to give them a quick apology.

"Unbelievable, did you see that? He was all up on me and she had the gall to blame me?" Sakura's words were slurred and slowed, making Sasuke wonder how much more she'd had since they'd gotten there. She stumbled against Sasuke, who was doing his best to hold them both up.

As soon as they were out on the street it was Shikamaru who urged the group down the street, not wanting the other couple to come out and start something.

"I think I'm going to be sick..." Sakura said suddenly, her face turning an ugly pallor. When Ino caught up a few minutes later Sakura was on her knees in an alley, retching up the contents of her stomach. Under normal circumstances Sasuke would let her suffer, thinking she deserved every ounce of pain for letting herself get to this point. While the thought was still prevalent in his head, he was rubbing soothing circles on her back as he helped keep her hair out of her face.

"Sakura, why are you doing this to yourself?" Ino said softly as the other woman finally stumbled out of the alley. Sakura leaned heavily against the brick wall, her eyes closed.

"I just had a little too much, thats all."

"That not all I'm talking about. Your pregna-" Ino's voice was cut off by her own hands as if to push the words back in. Sasuke turned to see what she was looking at, a sense of dread balling in his stomach. Kiba stood paralyzed on the sidewalk with mouth agape. Next to him was the blond man Sasuke had been flirting with.

Kiba's shocked silence clashed with the ashamed nothingness that Sakura had to say as loudly as thunder that rumbled in the distance. Sasuke looked up just as rain hit his face.

"You're what?"

"It's none of your business, dog-breath!" She spat angrily, struggling to push to her feet. Sasuke and Ino helped her as best they could, however now nauseous on top of drunk Sakura almost pulled them down as well.

"Bull shit, it's not. If you're pregnant, then..." Kiba moved forward with fire in his eyes.

"It's not yours." Sakura declared smugly. "Thats why I dumped you. I could have anyone I want. I'm a slut, after all, you said so yourself."

Kiba recoiled as if her words had a physical impact. Even Sasuke, who didn't really like Kiba, thought it was harsh. Kiba had called her that, however it had been months ago, and he'd prostrated himself to apologize. She had forgiven him, buried the hatchet so to speak, and he'd never called her anything so bad again. Sasuke knew from first hand experience that when Sakura was mad, however, long buried things were fair game. He shared a look with Ino before speaking softly with Sakura.

"Come on, let me take you home so you can sleep."

"No!" Kiba protested, reaching out to grab her arm. "Your pregnant, with what could be my kid. And you're out getting shit faced?"

"I'm not, okay?" She jerked away from his hold, colliding into Ino, who barely was able to catch the both of them from falling.

Thunder clashed again and the rain started to come down in earnest.

"Sakura, come on..." Ino tried to urge, but Sakura had more to say to her ex-boyfriend and tried to jerk away again, somehow finding balance despite her wobbly feet.

"I'm getting rid of it. I don't want your brat."

There was a visible struggle across Kiba's face and he looked as if he had a lot to say but the blond spoke up.

"We shouldn't be having this conversation here. It's about to start raining a lot harder."

Sasuke was going to say that this conversation could just wait till everyone was sober, but Sakura suddenly burst into tears, sobs wracking her body and causing her to sink back down.

"It's so stupid. I'm so stupid..."

This time it was Kiba who caught her, rushing forward to wrap his arms around her waist. She wailed painfully and buried her face in his chest. Sasuke couldn't decipher the look on Kiba's face, but he suspected he was just as caught off guard by Sakura's emotions as she was.

"Come on," he whispered softly into her hair. "Lets go get something to eat, okay?"

Her shoulders shook harder but she nodded. With a remarkable amount of tenderness Sasuke would never have attributed to an Inuzuka, Kiba helped Sakura back to her feet and started her down the sidewalk. Sasuke turned to Ino, who was just as hesitant to just let them walk off, but unsure if to follow. Chouji and Shikamaru stood to the side, waiting for direction.

"I'll go and make sure she's ok," Sasuke offered, "you guys go on home." She gave him a grateful smile.

"Call me."

He agreed to do so before leaving her with Shikamaru and Chouji, rushing to catch up with the blond, who was walking several paces behind Sakura and Kiba. He pulled out his phone to check the time.

It was almost midnight. If Kiba could manage to resolve this quickly enough, he might just make it in time for Will of Fire. Lorie would be finding out about Miko's baby, and the first witness would be taking the stand in Dante's trial.

* * *

**A lot of this story is somewhat inspired by my mom, who loves her soaps for a lot of the same kind of reasons Sasuke does. Escape and distraction, as well as debonair characters with convoluted plots. Oh and eye candy. **

**I hope you enjoyed the first chapter and look forward to hearing what you guys think! I don't believe in bashing or anything like that, and I am well aware that I am playing with some touchy subjects, but please have patience and let the plot unfold.**


	2. Two

**No one read over this but me, so please forgive errors**

* * *

The distant sky lit up with burst of blue light, highlighting the otherwise unseen clouds that threatened to downpour on the chilled Konoha City streets. Sasuke tried focus on the anticipated thunder to gauge the distance, but the rumble never came. The momentary distraction from walking was all that was needed shift his equilibrium. His left foot went too far right and he stumbled into the shoulder of the blond walking at his side.

He probably shouldn't have had those last two shots.

Whatever adrenaline that had kept him focused enough to deal with Sakura had rushed the metabolization of the vodka and it was now flooding his his system unimpeded. The edges of his vision blurred and his body felt weak. It was all he could do to keep his eyes on the sidewalk and put one foot in front of the other. He had wanted to get drunk to loosen his irritation, but now it was just a hindrance.

It was only a few more steps before he stumbled into the other again.

He felt mortified to have so little coordination in front of a man he'd, not half an hour ago, been hitting on. More than once the blond had caught him from breaking his face on the pavement or stumbling into someone. He refused to mumble any sort of gratitude and what pride hadn't been dissolved in liquor was committing seppuku in horror.

Ahead of them, Sakura clung desperately to Kiba, her shoulders convulsing under his arm. Kiba's soft voice had mostly mollified her into sniffles. Occasionally she would explode into soul-wrenching sobs and Kiba would whisper loving and soothing words as she clung to him.

Once again, Sasuke was taken back by just how gentle the otherwise boisterous man could be. It was obvious how much he actually did care and, possibly for the first time, he honestly wondered what he was missing that made Sakura so unhappy, and why Kiba even bothered. Sakura had a million and one problems and anyone willing to take them on probably deserved the pain anyways.

"They are so pathetic," the blond said, a fond tone to his words.

Sasuke felt a little less sentimental about the two and grunted a non-responsive reply as he pushed wet hair from his eyes. The motion caused him to once again veer to the side. The blond reached out to grab his arm, and Sasuke wrapped one of his own around it to steady himself.

"Do you need me to take you home?"

Sasuke opened his mouth to say something, preferably a no since he still didn't want to ditch Sakura, but when he looked up he remembered why he'd been hitting on him in the first place.

Bright yellow hair was weighted down from the rain, and his white shirt clung to toned shoulders and chest, the arm under his fingers was hard and well defined. Sasuke guessed he had military training and wondered if the rest of him was just as well off. Without really thinking about what he was doing, he stopped in his tracks to pull the man to a stop.

"I _dooo_ want _yoooou_ to take me home," Sasuke drawled with a somewhat uncooperative tongue. He stepped forward, pressing against the other's side to run an exploratory hand down his chest. The muscle under the fabric was everything Sasuke could have hoped for.

Understanding took a moment to cross the other's face before a faint pink flushed his cheeks and his free hand lifted to rub the back of his neck.

"You're kinda wasted."

Sasuke didn't deny this, but hooked a finger on the front of the other's jeans to pull him flush. They were the same height, leaving them nose to nose and Sasuke staring straight into bright blue eyes.

"I know what I want."

The blond glanced in the direction Kiba and Sakura were still headed. This gave Sasuke view of a delicious looking ear. Without any direction from his brain, he leaned forward to clamp his teeth down on a tan lobe. The man yelped, trying to pull away, but Sasuke used his grip on his pants to pull him back. He lifted his free hand to lace in blond hair to hold him in place, licking and sucking apologetically at the abused skin.

"What are you doing?" The blond chuckled nervously, hands on Sasuke's sides as he weakly attempted to push him away.

"I see something I want."

"They are going on without us."

"I don't want to have sex with them."

Naruto's gaze darkened momentarily as Sasuke's words hung between them, but as quick as it came, his eyes flickered in the direction of their friends with a look of concern. Sasuke felt the urge to groan in frustration but it was cut off by the hand that moved down his hip and around his back. Naruto grinned as he leaned in close enough to press his lips against the hollow of Sasuke's ear. The affected skin tingled in distress for more and Sasuke closed his eyes to focus on the sensation.

"I'm not going anywhere," the blond said, the heat of his breath sending shivers down Sasuke's spine, "but we really shouldn't leave those two alone. You know how they can be."

It was remarkably close to how Itachi corralled people, and under normal circumstances would have raised Sasuke's ire, however the intimacy of the moment caught him off guard. He found himself allowing the gentle guiding hand on the small of his back. They caught up with their friends just as they reached the diner Sakura had gotten his fries at earlier that week. Kiba give his friend a lifted eyebrow, but the blond just shook his head in a don't ask manner.

Sakura looked pale and unattractive with her ruined makeup and soggy hair. She was wrapped in Kiba's coat, but was still shivering, whether from emotion, being sick, or the actual chill. She didn't look up as they approached, keeping her eyes vacantly downcast. Sasuke found himself reaching out for her, a hand pushing wet strands from her face.

"Are you going to be okay?"

She looked up at his question and forced a watery smile, even as she whipped her nose on the jacket sleeve.

"Yeah.." she said her voice barely a hush. "How bad do I look?"

"Ino at 4 am bad."

This made her burst out in a sob like laughter, hiding her face meekly behind her jacket covered hands. Her chuckling was interrupted with sniffles as she tried to use her nose.

"At least you're honest with me." She gave Kiba a sidelong look, and Sasuke guessed she'd asked him the same thing moments ago. Kiba threw up his hands defensively.

"HEY! The last time I told you you looked bad, you nearly gave me a concussion."

"It was my prom!" She slapped his arm with the back of her hand and he flinched away, however the small smile on her face said she didn't take it to heart. She paused a moment then looked at Sasuke with wide eyes.

"I didn't look that bad did I?"

"It was neon green. It looked awful. I think you blinded half our senior class."

Her jaw dropped in outrage. "You never said anything!"

"I has just witnessed you nearly murder Kiba, I wasn't going to!"

Her face, now flush with embarrassment, was quickly hid against Kiba's side.

"I loved that dress," she murmured.

"We know and that's why no one else said anything." Kiba said as he lifted a hand to pat her pink hair. Sasuke shared a rare moment of camaraderie with the man. Sakura had looked horrendous, but with as much as she had adored that dress, and neither of them wanting her incur her wrath, they had both spent the whole night giving anyone who looked at her cross death glares.

"Come on," Kiba said as he gently started Sakura to the door, "lets get you something to eat."

The diner was almost too bright with it's florescent lights and white tile, and Sasuke was left blinking spots out of his eyes.

"Can we... I mean, just us...?" Sakura asked. He forced his focus on her long enough to catch her meaningful look. Not needing anymore direction, he grabbed the blond's arm to drag him to a different, darker, part of the diner. He pushed the blond into a red corner booth, sitting down next to him to trap him against the wall. They had a view if they strained their neck, but were mostly out of sight, giving the couple much needed privacy. Sakura had a lot she needed to tell Kiba, but wouldn't be able to with someone else there. He sincerely hoped she'd finally express some of her deeper troubles so Kiba could reassure her she was being stupid.

Because for as smart as she was, she was very very stupid.

After dealing with the waitress, ordering his much beloved fries and water, he decided to distracted himself with the Minato look-alike. The brighter lights did nothing to curb his appeal. In fact, Sasuke could tell his hair and eyes were an identical shade. This guy was a little tanner, though Sasuke suspected it was from exercising outside.

"Now, I don't think we got properly introduced."

"No, I don't think we did," the blond chuckled, holding out his hand to shake. "Naruto Uzumaki."

"U-zu-ma-ki..." Sasuke drawled indifferently as he took the hand. He was mildly disappointed it wasn't Namikaze, though he didn't know if Minato had children. He'd have to look that up later. If not, then it was a shame. Genes like that should not be wasted.

Unless they, were you know, gay for Sasuke.

He idly wondered how Dante would react to Gabriel impregnating Miko. He was somewhat overprotective for being the younger twin.

"Um..." Sasuke was pulled out of his thoughts by the blond - Naruto - tugging his hand back. "Can I have this back?"

At some point during Sasuke's silence, he had lifted the borrowed hand to run his lips over the rough skin of the knuckles. He paused for a moment before darting out a tongue to lick a digit and draw it into his mouth. Blue eyes locked onto his lips, but Naruto did nothing to take his hand back. After a few seconds of sucking idly, he left go, allowing the hand to drop and finger to be removed.

"For now." A glass of water was sat before him, and Sasuke turned to give it his attention. It was the only thing standing between him and a hangover.

"So, uh... how much did you have anyways?"

"One or two...or six or seven." Actually, he didn't remember. He should have known better than to let Chouji keep handing him drinks. That guy was like a tank when it came to alcohol.

"Didn't really hit me till after the whole.. thing..." He waved his hand in the, wrong, vague direction of the club.

"Really now? You seemed to be pretty gone before." Naruto lifted eyebrow and cocked a grin and Sasuke mentally superimposed an image of an Gabriel's dubious smirk. He wondered if Naruto was referring to when Sasuke was hitting on him.

"No-no, I had my facilities enough to know I wanted to eat you alive." He waved the glass around with a weak hand, the sloshing of the ice and water inside almost caused him to drop it. The bottom of it hit the table with a loud thud, and had Sasuke not already drank half, it would have probably split. Another dubiously lifted eyebrow and Sasuke bristled a little.

"I still do, just with a little less coordination."

It wasn't much longer before his fries arrived. After dumping half the bottle of ketchup on them, he meticulously picked out a big one to smother it in the condiment.

"You know, a spoon full of ketchup would be just as effective," Naruto joked. Sasuke snorted at this as he pushed the fry into his mouth then licked the ketchup off his fingers.

"How uncouth." But truthfully he only ate fries for the ketchup and would drink it with a straw out of the bottle if he could. Naruto chuckled a little before silence fell between them, Sasuke having neither the coordination nor attention span to pay both his fries and Naruto attention.

"So, um.. You're Sasuke Uchiha, right."

Sasuke froze in his pursuit of the next fry, looking up at Naruto with an expression kin to a death glare, though Sasuke would admit a drunken one was only half as effective.

How did this guy know his name? Sure his family was a big deal, Itachi and his cousin Shisui were hounded by paparazzi and his family held a lot of political sway, but Sasuke was apparently the boring Uchiha, ignored for the most part. His father protected him, though probably because he didn't want his gay son to spoil the conservative Uchiha image. Kiba may have told him, but he honestly suspected Kiba didn't tell anyone he had anything to do with an Uchiha. In the more radical progressive groups, it would be the same as claiming you associated with the devil.

Naruto was still waiting for a reply so Sasuke gave him one before turning back to food.

"Nope."

"Ah? Really, cause you look a lot like him..."

"Yeah, weird that. Wait..." he turned back sharply. "How do you know what he looks like?"

"I intern for the Hokage's office. I've seen pictures the Uchiha family in Councilman Uchiha's office."

Pictures of...

A plethora of all the embarrassing pictures of ever taken of him came to mind and the few times Itachi had blackmailed him by threatening to display them there.

"Wha-what pictures exactly?" He wanted to feign innocence, however he leaned in so close to Naruto, the other man had to press against wall to retreat.

"Um.. there is this one where he has these bunny ears and..."

Sasuke didn't wait for Naruto finish. He cursed under his breath as he fumbled to pull out his phone, falling all over Naruto the process. He could have sworn he'd burned all of them.

"Are you okay?"

Sasuke let out a hateful grunt as he pulled up a text to his brother that he hoped he burned in hell, as well as a few creative uses of expletives.

Texting intoxicated and angry probably wasn't the smartest thing ever and he was pretty sure most of his message hadn't been legible. Somewhere within a hundred mile radius his brother was reading this and an evil smile crossed his face. It sent shivers down Sasuke's spine, even from such a distance.

_"I love how the only understandable part of that was 'dickless' and 'asswhipe,' little brother."_

Sasuke scowled at his phone before attempting to respond. It was after the third attempt at the word curse that he gave up and lifted his phone to Naruto. "Oh sober one, I need you to text something, but I seem to be unable to for the drunk."

Naruto took it hesitantly, perhaps thinking with the glare Sasuke had given it it might explode. "What am I typing?"

"I curse your dick to rot off and your bladder to always fail at the most inopportune times."

Naruto looked at the screen then to Sasuke with a dumbfounded expression. "You want me to text that to Itachi Uchiha?"

"This is the most - no second most important thing you will be doing all night." He tapped his finger on edge of his phone. Naruto smirked before doing as told, pausing after a second.

"How do you spell 'inopportune'?"

"E N, no I N oh pertune." He was sure he knew how to spell it, but after a few seconds of fumbling with the letters, he just shook his head. "Eh, just use another word."

Naruto finished the text and Sasuke leaned over to look at it before he hit sent. This lead to Sasuke leaning heavily against his shoulder and a hand that had no orders to run up Naruto's thigh. Naruto jumped a little at the contact, backing up into his seat as if he had room to retreat.

"Wha-... What are you doing."

"I told you, I want something." Just as his hand reached the top of his leg, Naruto's quickly grasped it, keeping it from traveling farther.

"We are in the middle of a diner, Kiba and Sakura are like right there, and um - you're still drunk."

"I'll leave a really good tip, I really doubt Kiba and Sakura really care, and um - I'm still gonna want you when I'm sober." Just not gonna be as forward .

"But you are Sasuke Uchiha, right? I mean..."

"No."

"Then what's your name?"

"I don't know, make one up."

"Sasuke..."

"I guess if you have some sort of Uchiha fetish, he is the more attractive one."

"Come on..."

Sasuke growled in frustration as he pulled back, supporting his head between his forefinger and thumb, however he didn't move his hand from Naruto's leg. He glowered at the object of his attentions with full force. Drunk or not, it was getting very frustrating that this guy still had pants on. Naruto shrank against the wall.

"Your dad glares at me like that, and it's really weird that you're doing it with your hand in my lap."

Sasuke tapped his finger on the leg for a moment in thought before pulling it back with a sigh.

"What is the reason we aren't having sex right now?"

Naruto looked unsure how to answer, but glanced around as if he were about to reply regarding the location. Sasuke quickly spoke.

"Okay, Sakura and Kiba live happily ever after and we go back to my place. What would be stopping us from having sex?"

"You're drunk."

"Not a good reason, and it's not like you're taking advantage of me, but okay, in an hour or so I'll be much more sober. Now what?"

"You're a guy."

Sasuke paused at this, finding the excuse flimsy. "That didn't bother you before."

"I've never been with a guy."

"Bi-curious is perfectly legitimate now-a-days."

"I, it's, I mean.." Naruto winced under Sasuke's continued glare. "It's just you're acting so much like your dad, it's creepy." Sasuke lifted an eyebrow and Naruto rushed to amend.

"Well, you know, aside from the hitting on me thing. You have that Uchiha glare down pat."

Sasuke narrowed his eyes to prove just how good he was at said glare and Naruto waved his arms defensively.

"Your an Uchiha. It's weird."

A carefully ignored cord was struck and in a split second, Sasuke went from annoyed to furious. This was exactly why he didn't introduce himself as an Uchiha. The burden of the name he was both too proud to be ashamed of and too ashamed to be proud of had weighed down the proverbial camel for most of Sasuke's life and Naruto's words were the last straw.

"You know what? Fuck you, you stuck up liberal brainwashed loser." Sasuke's voice was much louder than he had intended, but his point got across with the way Naruto recoiled. He stood up quickly, pocketing his phone, and somehow managed to fight the spinning as he fished out his wallet.

"Wait, Sasuke..."

"No, fuck you with a hot poker. Rot in hell. You're a dead last human trash spawn. And I can say that. I'm an Uchiha and my words are less and or more than human speech or some shit. I'm not human, I don't want human things. I only pretend to eat to keep up appearances for you puny mortals because I really feast on human SOULS."

By the time Sasuke got done with his rant, he was yelling, his breath heaving. There was a drunken focus on his anger and vodka only fed the flames. He was sick of it all, he didn't want to be out, he should have stayed home, fuck Sakura for having such a stupid crisis on the night Dante's trial started.

He threw down three times too much money for his half eaten fries and turned to storm away. Naruto grabbed his arm to stop him, but Sasuke jerked it away violently.

"Don't touch me, you fucking loser."

"Sasuke, you need to calm down..."

"No, I don't! You need to stick your head in a dirty toilet. Let me give you a little hint, you are just as bad as the people you hate. A liberal snob isn't any better than a conservative snob, so hop the fuck off your high horse because you look like the douche you think I am. And you know what, while we are on that subject, do you wanna know why I vote for my father? Why I support his re-election? Because when he's not in office, he makes my life MISERABLE."

Frustration came spilling out like a flood and he only knew half of what he was saying. He had been so reserved for so long that one dam broke the next, and Sasuke couldn't stop his next torrent from gushing forth.

"God forbid, I'm not just as perfect and awesome and smart and strong and _straight_ as Itachi and it's probably my fault he didn't win because I'm a marr on his perfect image. I'm a zit on his nose just waiting to burst and shoot my puss of gayness all over his conservative voters."

In a grand gesture of his homosexual explosion, he swung an arm out that smacked into Kiba's chest, who then grabbed the appendage.

"You need to cool off."

Sasuke let out an irritated grunt as he jerked his arm back, stumbling from the force into Naruto. He was about to give a detailed description as to just where they could shove things when Sakura spoke.

"You're really drunk, Sasuke, you should just go home."

"Says you who showed up at my apartment wasted to drag me out and get more wasted so you could forget you were going to have an abortion Monday."

The words were spoken before he had registered them and they were met with dead silence. She had implied it in the alley, but apparently the word held more weight and Sasuke couldn't help but feel like had said too much.

But frankly, this was another issue he was tired of tiptoeing around. Sakura was an idiot, and he intended to tell her as much.

"Sakura, you really need to get your shit together and stop this bull crap. You're just gonna feel guilty and hate yourself, which I'm starting to think is something you enjoy. He may be a pathetic mutt, but he worships the ground you walk on. He's not going to break up with you, you aren't going to be a bad mother, and both your families can just fuck off because telling them to when they really just need back it is the best thing you can do, that is assuming they will even listen because mine sure as hell doesn't."

She looked physically hit, recoiling back, eyes wide and blinking. Before he could continue, he cut himself off and violently pushed through the door into the downpour. The rain finally showed up and the drops hit him like pebbles. Someone came through the doors behind him, but he was already storming down the street in the direction of his apartment, his inner monologue continuing indecipherable even to his own brain.

"Wait, Sasuke, I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to come off like that." It was Naruto, and Sasuke spun on heal to glare daggers at him.

"That's because you are stupid. Everyone is stupid. I hate everyone," He wanted to suddenly cry, and he didn't know where the emotion was coming from, but it felt so damn good to be rid of. "Where do all you people get off judging me for something as uncontrollable as my name or sexuality because, you know if I could, I'd get rid of both of them."

It was a lie as soon as he said it. He thought of his brothers, his mother, cousins, even his father and uncles when they weren't being controlling assholes. He loved his family, even if he was somehow the black sheep.

And just as that would be denying a core part of who he was, denying his sexuality was the same. They were in direct opposition, but they were him and Sasuke kinda liked himself because, fuck, someone had to.

His shoulders slouched and he stood in the rain, the momentum of his anger rolling to a stop. His eyes burned, but he was too tired to be ashamed. All he could do was shiver from the cold.

"It just gets so old. Half the world expects me to be the spawn of Satan, and the other half thinks I should be this demigod, as if being an Uchiha makes me somehow not human."

Sasuke found himself unable to look at anything but the water running into the gutter, allowing the patter of rain fill their silence. He wasn't thinking anymore. He had ran out of things to say and felt only an exhausted numbness.

This was why he didn't drink vodka. It probably didn't help he had taken his medicine earlier. He could already hear his father's voice reminding him about how he just didn't think things through. He never thought things through, he never finished anything he started, and he was a self centered spoiled brat.

"I'm going home." With a heavy sigh he turned to walk away. Naruto didn't stop him, but quickly caught up to walk beside him.

"Let me take you to dinner tomorrow."

"I'm not interested in pity."

"It's not pity. It's a date."

"No thanks."

"Come on, you were all over me not ten minutes ago."

Sasuke snorted at himself. Yeah, and that was before he went bat shit crazy. Now Sasuke felt as stupid as he claimed they were. He was feeling lethargic about it now, but would probably want to stab himself tomorrow.

"Come on, please Sasuke. I want to get to know you and maybe I am a little, um, bi-curious. Please. I owe you for being such a dick."

Sasuke paused under a store awning and pushed his wet hair from his face to look at Naruto. Sasuke wasn't actually sure about the idea of a date, even though he had been trying to get into his pants for the last hour. Dates usually implied a potential for something Sasuke really didn't want.

"Take off your shirt."

Naruto was just as taken back by this request as Sasuke. He didn't know what he wanted out of it, but he decided he would know when he got it.

"Shirt, off. You're already wet, it isn't going to hurt anything. Take it off."

A violent blush burned across Naruto's cheeks that entertained Sasuke. He had been acting so calm and collected before, but he was actually pretty bashful. Regardless, Sasuke waited until Naruto complied, pealing the wet fabric off his torso.

And what a lovely torso it was. Most prominent was the tattoo that spiraled on a defined set of abs. His muscles were built from actual combat training rather than over chiseled vanity, which kept him lithe and not bulky. He had thought Naruto would have been about the same level as Kiba, who was still a student at the military academy, but another tattoo on his shoulder indicated his graduate status.

He let his eyes linger over the spiral and the intricate markings that surrounded it. Naruto was very good-looking, even without resembling Minato. Minato was handsome in the way an older man was, but Naruto's allure was in his youth.

And, well, the fact he was half naked and wet only a few feet from him. Bird in the hand and all that.

"Okay," he said as he turned to continue his walk, unbothered by the rain that pelted down on him. "You can pick me up at 6."

* * *

The foreshadowing of self loathing had been painfully accurate. Alcohol did nothing to help him sleep, so he had spent the rest of the night curled up on his couch cursing the vodka gods and swearing fidelity to coffee. It was well past noon when he came out of his stupor to a knock on his door. After answering it, he nearly closed it in his brother's face.

Itachi's hand caught the door.

"Have a fun night last night, little brother?"

Sasuke only scowled in response as he blocked his brother's entrance. Itachi met Sasuke's glare with an amused smirk.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?"

"No."

"Come on, little brother. I'm only here to check on you."

"Mother or father?"

Itachi looked as if he would deny Sasuke's accusation but sighed instead.

"Both." Sasuke made to close the door, but Itachi caught it again. "And myself. We're worried about you."

Sasuke let out a derisive snort, turning away to ignore whatever Itachi came to say.

"So we've already reached the grunting stage of our dialogue?" Sasuke shot him a glare and Itachi nodded. "I'll take that as a yes. For as eloquent as you can be when you want people to listen, you sure do have a way of turning off when it's your turn."

Sasuke blatantly ignored his brother.

"Of course. You think I'm here to preach to you, so you don't want to hear it. Mother was worried you haven't been sleeping."

"I slept after she left yesterday."

"Then you went out drinking."

Sasuke opened his mouth to argue but Itachi spoke first.

"Your insults are much more creative when you are sober, little brother, not to mention your spelling is correct."

Sasuke didn't have anything to respond with, so he let out a grunt, to which he instantly regretted from the lifted eyebrow his brother gave him.

"Come to dinner tonight."

"I can't." And he couldn't, for a million reasons, most of which had to do with his father. Nausea and anxiety filled his stomach at the idea. There was a dreadful second where he remembered his words from last night, about wanting to disown them, and he felt shame and twice as sick.

"Can't or won't."

"Can't. I..."

Had a date, technically, one of which he was kind of dreading at this point. He could use his family as an excuse to get out it, but the choice between the two evils was pretty clearly on Naruto's side.

"I have something I need to do." Itachi let out a slow breath, and Sasuke knew he was going to try and counter, so he rushed to add more. "Sorry, I mean maybe later in the week or.. something... I'm going to the thing Friday so..."

_Back off - please just back off._

Itachi nodded. "I'll arrange to have someone pick you up, then." A pause followed in which Sasuke hoped he'd just leave, but as Itachi reached the door he turned back to Sasuke.

"You can't avoid dad forever, little brother. Especially while he's still paying your bills."

And with the final stab at Sasuke's self-esteem he left, the sound of the door still resounding in Sasuke's ears hours later.

* * *

Still avoiding Sakura after last night, Sasuke had texted Ino to see if she knew someone with Naruto's number. She had forwarded him a message with the number from Shikamaru. It was past 5 o'clock and he still had yet to do anything with it. He intended to call him and break off the date, but had found it harder to do then he'd have liked, especially when Ino started to flood his phone. Apparently Naruto had asked Shikamaru for Sasuke's address, which had set off swarm of questions Sasuke didn't want to address. She was way too noisy for her own good and he probably should have just asked Kiba directly, however Kiba was attached to the Sakura issue and the vodka induced rant from last night.

At 5:20 Sasuke had the number punched in to dial, but hesitated long enough for another call to come through. He didn't recognize the number and considered ignoring it in favor of calling Naruto to break off the date. A flash of dread hit him and quickly answered the phone. Naruto could wait just a few minutes.

"Oi, brat! I was almost worried you might have given me the wrong number."

The loud and brash female voice came across a little slurred. Sasuke frowned in confusion before his brief encounter from the grocery store came to mind and he felt the blood drain from his face.

"Tsu-Tsunade?"

"Ah! You DO remember me, see I told you he'd remember me." The last part was muffled as she spoke to someone with her. He thought he heard an exasperated voice say she was hard to forget and Tsunade huffed before speaking into the phone again.

"Don't listen to her, she hasn't had sex in 5 years."

_"TSUNADE!"_

Ignoring the raging woman in the background, Tsunade continued to speak. "I'm sure YOU don't have that problem. Too bad you're gay, or I'd try and hook you two up, but with Shizune's luck with men, maybe Chiyo is right and she should go gay too."

Another outburst from the background that Sasuke couldn't make out. Tsunade laughed so loudly Sasuke had to pull his phone from his ear and barely caught her next slurred remark.

"Well, at least I was getting laid. My husbands weren't always, though!"

Sasuke grimaced at the volume of her voice. Why on earth did he give this woman his number?

"Are you drunk?" he asked.

"Absolutely not! I'm only on my second bottle of sake. I'm most definitely not drunk..., yet."

"Aren't you chairman at the hospital. Is it okay for you to be getting drunk and calling up random guys you meet?"

"How do you think I met my last three husbands?"

"Last three?" he echoed. He was scared to know what that meant but couldn't resist the question. "How many times have you been married?"

"Do I count the two that were annulled?"

"You've had _two_ annulments?"

"To the same man too! Ugh, lets just say what happens in Shukuba Town should stay in Shukuba Town," she groaned, then muttered under her breath, "including that son of a bitch. I hope his dick rots off."

"Is there a reason you called?"

There was a pause as Tsunade _hmmmed_ to herself. "Yes... but I don't remember it at this very second. Lets see... well, it'll come to me. So, how are you doing, Sasuke was it? That's a good name, you know that was the name of the Hokage's father. Good General, that man."

Sasuke felt the twinges of a headache, and his brow twitched irritably. "That's who I was named after..." he responded blandly. Maybe he should just hang up.

"Really? You got smart parents, kid. Must be good lookin' too. You hit the genetic lottery, you know. And I know this, I've studied genes. I'm a doctor. I do this stuff. Except for the gay thing, not that that's a bad thing, it just means you won't likely be passing on your genetic brilliance, which honestly isn't fair. If any of my husbands had been a cute as you, I might have considered breeding, but they were all ass ugly."

Sasuke imagined this must have been what it was like to be hit by a car then have the driver back up and hit you again. Over and over. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and let out a puff of a sigh. He really should just hang up.

"..unless you're stupid. You aren't stupid, are you?"

For giving her his number, yes he was.

"Is there a point to this?"

"Do you have a boyfriend, Sasuke?" She asked, ignoring his question. He froze in his answer, caught off guard by the question.

"...Not really."

"Is there anyone at all? Well, aside from Mr. Namikaze, whom half the nation is secretly dating in their dreams."

Sasuke felt his face heat up. "I.. ah.. well.. I have a date tonight..." He glanced at the clock, surprised to see he'd already been on the phone with her for ten minutes.

"Ohhh?" Her voice brightened at this, as if she was learning a juicy piece of gossip.

"First date?"

".. yes..."

"Are you gonna have sex with him?"

"Is that all you think about?"

"Occasionally. Are you?"

Sasuke sighed, still not sure why he was still on the phone.

"I don't know. Maybe? I really should call him and break it off."

"Why?" She asked loudly, then in a serious tone. "Is he ugly?"

An image of Naruto wet and shirtless filtered through his mind. "Not in the least."

"Then why break it off? Go out, have fun. Get some ass.. or dick, depending on how you like it, I suppose."

"Why am I still on the phone with you?"

"Why don't you want to go on this date with Mr. Not-ugly-in-the-least?"

"Because, dates imply there may be a second. A second date would mean a third, and then before I know it, we would be _dating_. I don't want to _date_." Sasuke was irritated at his own urge to explain himself, but Tsunade seemed to have the ability to throw him off guard. Probably because her personality had all the the force and grace of a sumo wrestler.

"Then don't let it get serious. Set your boundaries early and don't let either of you cross them."

_"You should take your own advice."_

"Shut up, Shizune. Maybe you should let someone cross your boundaries sometime. Lord knows it'd be the only way to get that stick out of your..."

_"Tsunade!"_

"Anyways, Sasuke, listen. I'm about to impart the most important advice an older but still beautiful woman such as myself can possibly give to a young man like you. Write it down if you have to. You got a pen and paper? I'll wait."

Sasuke sighed heavily, but made no move to reach for the notebook next to the couch. "Okay."

"You got it?"

"Yes."

"Okay, here it is: Never deny a girl's request for a DP with another guy just because your balls might touch."

There was a long moment of dead air as Sasuke's brain went dead. He was mortified, even in the privacy of his apartment, at the ridiculousness of her statement. Tsunade cleared her throat awkwardly.

"I guess that doesn't really apply to you, does it?"

"No, not really."

"Right. The point is enjoy yourself. You're what? 18?"

"20."

"20! Oh, you are such a baby," she said to herself, then to him: "You're 20 years old, and with the right diet and exercise you could easily see another 80 years. Sure this guy may not be Mr. Right, but he's Mr. Right Now, and frankly that's better than sitting home alone daydreaming about a man on the TV that doesn't even know you exist."

Her statement was once again met with silence, though this one thoughtful as he considered her words. He found himself responding with something that had bothered him. One of the big reasons he didn't even want to try.

"It's just.. well, I met him last night when I was kinda drunk and made a total fool of myself."

"Ahhh! So you are embarrassed."

Sasuke covered his face as he remember the tangent he'd went on. "Vodka isn't really my drink. It makes me rant. I was trying to get in his pants then he said something and I flipped on him."

She made an affirmative noise and he could all but hear her nod in understanding. "But he still wanted to go out with you tonight?"

"After I made him feel like an asshole, yes. I'm not even sure he was really interested. I mean, he was at first, but then he found out who I was and he was less interested. Then I blew up on him."

"What's the worst that could happen? You have a really awkward night and never talk again? But you could also go out and have a great time. Don't be scared to let your balls touch, Sasuke."

He burst out laughing at this before letting the words hang in the air. As appropriately inappropriate as it was, he suddenly understood exactly what she meant.

"You only live once, right?"

"That's right, kid. As long as you aren't doing something stupid that will get you killed. Oh hey!" She interrupted herself. "I remember why I called! You know where Fullpine Oak is?"

Fullpine was an upper middle-class housing community only a few miles from the Uchiha manor. He'd passed it every day going to school.

"Yes."

"House number 801 on Wednesday at 3 p.m. Will you need a ride?"

"... For?"

"The book club."

_"You should at least tell him the book."_ Came the voice, Shizune was it?, from the background

"Um.. I guess..." he responded. He wasn't sure he really wanted to go, but he didn't think telling Tsunade no would work.

"I'll get Shizune to pick you up."

_"The book, Tsunade. Tell him."_

"Where do you live?"

As he gave her directions, Shizune persisted until Tsunade sighed.

"I guess the book this week is _A Reservoir_, or something."

_"It's Au Revoir! It's French."_

"But don't worry, no one ever reads them."

_"I read them..."_

"Anyways, she'll be there about about 20 minutes 'til. Don't forget, and Sasuke?"

"Yeah?"

"Have fun on your date."

He smiled at this, giving a huff of agreement. "Thanks."

When they hung up, Sasuke felt much more optimistic about the night then he had before she'd called. She was right, he was young and he should at least have fun. He didn't want forever out of it, but sex would be nice. He grinned to himself before looking at the clock. It was 15 minutes till Naruto was supposed to be there.

His smile dropped and he jumped to his feet in panic.

15 minutes and he hadn't taken a shower.

* * *

**Chop chop, Sasuke!**

**I missed replying to some people in a timely manner, for which I am profusely sorry! I'm a scatter brain, most of the time, and think to do it and then don't remember it for weeks! I'm grateful for everyone's support!**

**This would have been done over a month ago had I not had to rewrite it twice. The first time I was unhappy, the second time I was less unhappy but still displeased, and this time it's better. Then real life and the holiday season and work and raid and guild and Tumblr...**

**Damn Tumblr.**

**It's shorter than I intended, I wanted to keep both of them within the 9k mark and the longer I waited to post, the longer I wanted it, but I didn't want to break up their date into multiple chapters, which will hopefully be out much faster. I enjoyed writing Tsunade and Shizune so much I can't wait to get to write the book club.**


	3. Three

**Warnings for not being betaed**

* * *

**My Real Life Soap Opera  
**By: Spinestalker

Naruto was on time, much to Sasuke's displeasure. His heart was pounding from the race with time, of which he had finished with only seconds to spare. He was honestly already regretting this again, but Tsunade's advice played on repeat in the back of his mind. Maybe, just maybe, he could get laid out of this.

On the other side of the door was a doe-eyed Naruto, looking every bit the nervous first date. He checked Sasuke over once before looking away awkwardly, scratching his head.

"Hey..." he said softly, his eye still not meeting Sasuke's. Perfectly content to let Naruto flail about silently, Sasuke took the time to take in Naruto's appearance. His drunken judgment was not nearly as skewed as it could have been and he was glad that sobriety didn't diminish any physical attraction. Disheveled devil-may-care hair was as blond as he remembered and Sasuke had a good hint at the flawless physique hidden by his (dry) clothes. He wasn't the most fashionable person Sasuke had ever met, but he supposed the dark jeans and orange t-shirt didn't clash awfully with the maroon button up. Naruto pulled off annoying colors well enough.

However, Sasuke hated the battered yellow shoes with a passion he never knew he could possess for an inanimate object.

It was a long moment before Naruto finally managed to gather the courage to look. "You look good."

"I know," Sasuke responded automatically.

Contrary to popular belief, this was not an Uchiha trait. The vast majority of the men in his family, father and brother pitifully listed first, had a one track mind that usually prioritised themselves last. If left to their own devices, they wouldn't eat or shave and only bathe when they could smell themselves. To men like his father, their job came first; family, friends or personal hygiene be damned.

Mikoto Uchiha, however, could spin gold. He had personally witnessed his mother transform a mud caked Haku into something presentable with nothing but a wet towel in less time it would take some people to brush their teeth. With the right motivation, Sasuke, too, could work miracles, and it was thanks to her influence, and not of the Uchiha, that there wasn't a hair out of place.

Naruto seemed a little put off by Sasuke's cocky response and narrowed his gaze, but Sasuke took a sudden step forward into the hallway, invading Naruto's personal space so quickly the other retreated across the hall as if expecting an attack.

"So do you," Sasuke said simply before turning to lock the deadbolt on his door.

Another awkward moment followed as Naruto visibly tried to forced himself to relax.

"So.. uh.. What do we do now?" Naruto voiced as he kept more distance than required, almost pressed against the wall across from the door. Sasuke felt an annoyed tick in his left eye.

"It's a date. We do date things."

"I know that, but... ah..." Naruto scratched his neck, blushing. "Like, is there something you want to do?"

Sasuke let out a grunt as he allowed Naruto to fidget nervously. He had been so cool and composed last night, so why was he acting so weird now? Sasuke was the one who should be nervous (which he wasn't) for the way he had acted last night. It was a few seconds before he offered any suggestions.

"I haven't eaten much today, so food."

"Okay." Naruto shoved his hands in his pockets and averted his gaze to anywhere but Sasuke's face. "Then...What do you like?"

This wasn't going to work. This nervous behavior gave diminishing returns for Sasuke's patience.

"I don't like having my teeth pulled." Naruto's gaze snapped up in confusion at Sasuke's comment, but Sasuke only turned his head away in annoyance. "Stop acting so weird, it makes you look like a loser."

"Excuse me?" Naruto made a threatening step forward. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"You're making this much more difficult than it needs to be, I feel like I'm having my teeth pulled," he said with a bored tone. "Do you not want to do this? Because I can go back inside."

"No! I said I'd take you on a date, and I'm gonna take you on a date!"

"Then take me on a date and stop standing here like a nervous virgin."

Naruto turned beet red, sputtering for a moment before managing to form words. "I would, if you would just tell me what you want!"

"I want you to stop being an idiot."

"Maybe if you'd stop being a bastard."

"You were far less annoying last night."

"And you were drunk!"

Sasuke glowered at this. "So you need me to be drunk to not act like such a dead last loser?"

"You're-" Naruto cut himself off, lifting his hand to his face as if to physically restrain his ire. Sasuke watched him take several deep breaths before he dropped his hand.

"Sorry," he finally continued with a forced tone, "you're right. I'm just nervous." Naruto's expression was much more controlled and reminiscent of the previous night, though his eyes were hard with annoyance. He was surprised that Naruto still seemed to be willing to go through with the date. Even Sasuke was tempted to flip him off and turn back to his apartment. Sasuke snorted and turned his head in nonchalance.

"Whatever, I'm just hungry."

Naruto let out a heavy breath and Sasuke heard, rather than saw, him slap his forehead. "Fine. I know of a place, if you don't mind walking."

* * *

The place Naruto knew of was actually, and literally, just a hole in the wall that Sasuke had never noticed, even though he'd been down this street hundreds of times. It sat in a far corner of the shopping district, two much larger and well known restaurants to either side. Flaps hung down over the opening that declared Ramen is the Best Pleasure in shaky, hand written letters. The brothy smell assaulted them and as soon as they pushed back the flap and Naruto greeted the old man behind the counter by name.

"Hey! Ayame! Look who's here! It's Naruto," the man, Teuchi, called out. A woman poked her head out from a side door, her eyes lighting up.

"Naruto! Oh! Look at you! You've gotten so tall. How long have you been back?"

"Couple months," Naruto replied, taking a seat at the counter, Sasuke claiming the one next to him. "I've been too busy to drop by or I would have been here sooner."

"It's been what? Two years?" Teuchi asked as the woman joined him behind the counter, both of them giving Naruto warm smiles.

"Almost."

"You were in Ame, right?" Ayame asked, leaning forward on her elbows, eyes wide. "What's it like?"

Naruto paused to compose the right word before relenting with a hesitant "It didn't have Ichiraku Ramen, that's for sure!."

Sasuke lifted brow at the lack of a proper answer but Naruto had already directed the subject to his love for Teuchi's raman.

After the owners had taken their orders and moved on to help others, it became clear that Naruto was going to hold onto his annoyed silence. Sasuke shot a glare from the corner of his eye before turning his nose at such childish behavior.

"So, you've been in Ame for the last two years?" Sasuke asked with an air of indifference. Naruto looked at him through the corner of his eye.

"Yeah."

"So, you're what? 24?" Sasuke guessed. He remembered the graduation tattoo on Naruto's arm, meaning he must have been older than Sasuke'd originally thought.

"20."

Sasuke almost choked on air, turning his head fully to look at Naruto sharply. "But you've been in Ame for two years? Then...when did you graduate from the Academy?"

"When I was 18."

Sasuke gave him questionable look. It took at least 4 years get through the academy. Naruto laughed humorlessly.

"I got my GED and entered when I was 16."

Sasuke's jaw dropped. "You graduated the academy in two years?" This guy, who wasn't any older than he was, had not only graduated the Military Academy, but had been at war for two years.

At Naruto's nod, a disgusting emotion erupted from the Sasuke's core. Jealousy was an uncomfortable sensation and Sasuke couldn't decide if he should direct his hatred to the man next to him, or himself. He jerked his head away and snorted.

"Why such a rush to get out of the academy? You had to have known they'd ship you off."

Naruto didn't answer for several seconds, and Sasuke could feel rather than see the glare he was being shot. "That's what I wanted."

Even though Naruto's sounded affronted, Sasuke turned back. Naruto was looking away, so Sasuke wasn't able to see his expression.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why would you want to be shipped off?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because I didn't want to be here."

"Why not?"

Naruto finally looked back at him with an angry glare. "What's it matter to you."

What, indeed. Sasuke was being uncharacteristically nosy, but he couldn't help but be driven by the lack of answers Naruto was giving. It wasn't in Sasuke's nature to care about the state of another person, however it was like having a string dangling just out of reach.

Sasuke took a slow breath in to give a controlled response. He deliberately softened his voice and gave Naruto a wide-eyed look.

"I'm just wondering."

As expected, Naruto recoiled in surprise as Sasuke's sudden change, his anger replaced with a hint of guilt. Sasuke kept the candor up until Naruto ducked his head away in uncertainty.

"I wasn't happy. I just wanted to go."

This answer only made the string more tantalizing. Drawn to the urge for more, Sasuke leaned in a little, tilting his head to get a good view of Naruto's face.

"Are you still unhappy?"

Naruto seemed to count before he responded, looking at Sasuke with a carefully guarded expression.

"Not at this very second, no."

Sasuke caught the slight against him, but ignored it.

"What about family? Friends?"

"I have a lot of friends," he replied in a measured tone. Sasuke didn't miss the lack of a response regarding his family.

"I thought you and Kiba were close," Sasuke finally pulled back a little and Naruto's shoulders relaxed marginally.

"He's the closest to me."

Sasuke opened his mouth to ask another question, but Ayame placed two bowls of steaming raman before them. Naruto instantly changed the subject to express his joy. Ayame gave him a happy smile, letting him know how glad they were he was home safe before wandering off again. Naruto probably knew he was going to press for more, because he quickly spoke up before Sasuke.

"So, how did you and Sakura meet?" Naruto asked. Sasuke frowned but yielded for now.

"She's my ex-girlfriend," he responded with a flat tone before shoving a piece of tofu in his mouth. Naruto, who had been in the middle of blowing on his heated food, sputtered, dropping it into the broth with a messy splash.

"Seriously? I thought you were... you know... gay-gay"

"As opposed to being?"

Naruto spun his chopsticks in the air as if it would help him get whatever awkward thought he had in his head out. "Like, you know - half gay."

"Bi-sexual is a legitimate term. But no, I am, in fact gay-gay, as you put it."

"But you dated a girl."

"As much as two 13 years-olds can date," Sasuke snorted dryly.

"So you were straight when you were 13?"

Sasuke let out a long slow breath. He really didn't want to talk about this. It had been some of the worst days of his life, and not first date conversation.

"You really are an idiot, aren't you?" he asked under his breath. Naruto was about to snap at the insult, but Sasuke calmly continued. "No, I wasn't. I was still trying to figure it all out and Sakura had the unfortunate opportunity to be the girl I tried to be straight with."

"And how'd that work out?"

Sasuke lifted an eyebrow. "I was trying to get in your pants last night, wasn't I?" Naruto had the decency to blush, but Sasuke ignored this and turned his full attention to his neglected meal.

"Anyways, what about you and Kiba?"

Naruto didn't look happy about the subject moving back to him and took a moment to form a response.

"I've known him since before I can remember. I think there is a picture of the two of us sitting ass naked in a bathtub with plastic boats and ninja dolls. I'm scared to ask about it, I don't want anyone to remember it exists."

He had known Kiba for a long time, and he was closest to Kiba, but Sasuke had a hard time placing best friend to Kiba's title. Again, before Sasuke could ask more, Naruto changed the subject.

"So, why does your dad have a picture of you as a bunny in his office anyways."

Sasuke's eye twitched. "My brother calls it productive insurance. I be productive and I am insured those pictures never see the light of day."

"What did you do - or rather not do then to make him mad?"

Sasuke honestly wasn't sure. He was usually obedient when his brother tried to blackmail him into doing things with the threat to display embarrassing pictures. This meant he would have to make a trip to his father's office to claim it. Sasuke glared hatefully at Naruto, though it was Itachi's face he had in mind. This, however, caused Naruto to burst out in laughter.

"That look right there. If you had the ears, it'd be an almost identical picture."

Sasuke grunted non-responsively as he pulled out his phone.

_"I hate you, Itachi. I hate you so much."_

He ignored Naruto's snickering as he finished his raman. By the time he was done, Naruto had already ordered seconds.

"So, were you hungover pretty bad this morning?" Naruto's simple question brought a wave of nausea as Sasuke remembered his early hours. He had only been able to get about two hours of fitful sleep that had only made his hangover more sluggish.

Then Itachi had shown up and that was like a kick in the balls.

"I've had worse."

"How much do you remember of last night?"

Unfortunately, all of it.

"I remembered we were to have a date."

Naruto's second bowl arrived as he was chuckling nervously, scratching his head. "I thought you might not remember until Shikamaru told me you'd asked for my number. Then I thought you might end up calling to cancel."

Even though that was exactly what Sasuke had almost done, he narrowed his eyes. The look was missed by the other, who was digging happily into his noodles. Had Naruto hoped he would?

"Now, why would I want to do that?" Sasuke asked smoothly, seeing an opportunity to catch Naruto off guard. "I told you I'd still want to fuck your brains out when I was sober."

Naruto choked, coughing and nearly spilling over his bowl.

"You aren't having second thoughts are you?" Sasuke grinned as he leaned closer. "Regretting that you brought me here?"

Naruto recoiled slightly, his eyes wide and blinking before settling into a determined glare. "Absolutely not. I told you I'd take you on a date, and here we are, on a date, doing date things."

Sasuke rested a hand lightly on Naruto's leg, drawing slow circles on the fabric. "Mm, what kind of date things."

Naruto took a breath and held it, and Sasuke could see the oxygen going to work turning the gears in his brain. Sasuke enjoyed making Naruto uncomfortable like this. He liked watching him off kilter; like a like a predator playing with his food. It was a trait Sasuke very fondly (and not so fondly when used to against him) associated with his grandfather, who often did strange things to watch how people reacted.

Naruto swallowed thickly, and Sasuke's eyes were drawn to the bobbing Adam's apple. To the blond's credit, though, he recovered smoothly, leaning in just enough that Sasuke almost expected a kiss.

"I guess that depends on how good you are."

Naruto's voice was husky, and it shot right to Sasuke's groin. It was Sasuke's turn to give a doe-eyed expression, caught in the headlights of Naruto's bravado. He glanced down to the blond's lips, suddenly aware of how dry his own were. He struggled with the urge to lean forward and pull away at the same time but another patron calling out for seconds brought him back to their surroundings. It took great effort but he finally pulled back to prop his elbow on the counter, resting his jaw in the L of his hand and hid behind a careful mask of patience. Cocky understanding flashed in Naruto's eyes before he turned back to his bowl.

Sasuke's sexual interest for Naruto was renewed and doubled. There was something about him that Sasuke couldn't place. Sometimes it was there, and sometimes it wasn't, like Naruto had a switch that flipped on when he was cornered and enabled him to become whatever he needed to be at the time, like a chameleon. It was alluring in a way Sasuke couldn't explain and he suspected that if Naruto learned to control this better, he would be very formidable.

For the briefest of seconds, he had looked just like Dante, and Sasuke wanted to eat him alive.

"So I suppose you are over the whole 'I'm a guy' thing," he said after a moment

Naruto regarded him with a defensive expression, eyes raking over Sasuke's body. "I have no problem being attracted to you, if that's what you're asking..." he trailed off, waving his chopsticks in a way that made Sasuke think he was making a point in his head.

"But?"

"But... ah - how do I put this." He tapped the chopsticks against the bowl.

"I hope you put it soon, or I'm going to be insulted."

"No no, it's not like that." Naruto waved his hand dismissively. "It's more like, well, I don't really know what to do with you."

What was that supposed to mean?

"I have a list of suggestions I could submit, if you like," Sasuke offered with an offended tone.

"I'm sure you do. But that isn't what I mean, either. I'm not that naive. I know how homosexual relationships work - kinda... mostly in theory though."

Sasuke lifted his eyebrow and pursed his lips as he waited for Naruto to continue. Naruto winced at this, turning his head.

"Seriously, your dad does that exact same thing. It's like you're waiting on me to confess some big secret. It's creepy."

"We usually are."

Naruto was growing visibly frustrated, groaning under his breath and rolling his eyes. Sasuke gave no relief as he continued the expectant look.

"You were a lot different last night," Naruto finally said.

"I was drunk and out of character."

"But you were honest and open. Even when you were ranting. Now it just seems like there is this door with a password I'm supposed to guess."

Sasuke huffed, finally dropping his arm. "Well, you're a... lizard," he said for lack of another word.

"Excuse me?" Naruto looked confused by the insult, and Sasuke didn't educate him. He considered asking him if he had some sort of dissociative identity or something, but decided it was too melodramatic. He rolled his eyes before shaking his head, both at Naruto and himself.

"Never mind, It's really not that big of a deal. You have your things and I have mine."

"Yes, and thing is to be an asshole."

"And your's is to be an idiot."

Naruto groaned, turning to mumble "Maybe this was a bad idea." Sasuke glared at the side of his blond head.

"Probably, but it's too late now. We are doing date things, right? I expect a movie next. With popcorn."

Naruto rolled his eyes in an exaggerated motion. "Are you always this difficult?"

"I try."

When Naruto sighed, but dropped it, Sasuke congratulated himself on a job well done. Naruto ate the rest of his raman in silence, Sasuke entertaining himself with folding the chopstick wrapper up as many times as he could and neither dared pick back up a conversation. It was almost 5 minutes later when Naruto was finishing before either of them spoke again.

"So, a movie," Naruto asked with resignation. "I have no idea what's playing."

"Whatever, I don't really go to the movies."

"Not even with friends?"

"I tend to avoid gatherings of the sort."

"But you will get trashed at a club and hit on random guys."

Sasuke scowled at the accusing tone, but mostly embarrassed over the fact he had done just that. "You're an idiot."

Insulted at how close Naruto was to the truth, Sasuke stood up quickly to leave, interrupting Naruto's rebuff and subsequent indignation of Sasuke ignoring the bill. He decided to wait for him on the street, hands shoved in his pockets.

He had absolutely no idea what he was doing. Naruto was both annoying and tantalizing. Sexy as hell, but GOD those shoes... There was a lot of potential if Sasuke could just figure out how to keep him as that cool Naruto and not the nervous brat he'd mostly seen.

"You could have at least payed for your's, bastard," Naruto growled as he joined him on the street. Sasuke snubbed his nose.

"You were the one that asked me out, idiot."

"Only because you were going off about crap."

The words snapped something in Sasuke, and he spun to pin a glare at Naruto. "So, this is a pity date."

"No," Naruto declared with a hard voice. "I asked you out last night because I was being unfair and I wanted to get to know you better, but you've done nothing but insult me and act better than me."

He had, and Sasuke knew that, but he wasn't about to apologize.

"Then, what do you want me to say?" Did he want Sasuke to say last night had been a mistake and he would have never hit on Naruto had be been sober? Because he was right, he wouldn't have, but he wasn't gonna say that either.

"What do you want to say?" Naruto asked.

"I haven't said anything I haven't wanted to tell you."

"And all you've said to me is that I'm an idiot? Is that all you think of me?"

Sasuke instantly thought about Minato Namikaze, and his real intentions as to wanting to have sex with Naruto.

"It's not your most attractive feature." At Naruto's lifted brow, Sasuke relented a bit more honesty. "I kinda still want sex."

Naruto pursed his lips but didn't reply.

"You're really hot when you want to be, but then you do this nervous blathering idiot thing."

"Yeah, well, you're really cute when you want to be, but then you do this insulting bastard thing."

Sasuke glared at his own words being thrown back at him. "What do you want?"

"Is sex really all you want?"

Sasuke lifted his chin a little, shoving his hands in his pockets. "You'd be more attractive with my cock in your mouth."

Sasuke had hoped this would throw him off again, but Naruto only pressed forward with another question.

"Do you even want to be here?"

Sasuke shrugged. "I would have chosen someplace that wasn't raman, but I guess it wasn't too bad, so I don't regret knowing this place is here."

Naruto narrowed his eyes. "It's really annoying when people don't answer direct questions."

Sasuke's eyes went wide, his jaw dropping in mock surprise. "Really? I never noticed that every-time-I ask-you-a-question."

"If you only want sex, I'm pretty sure we can do that without this stupid date."

This caught Sasuke off guard, and he bit his lip in thought. That was tempting, so much so Sasuke almost jumped at the chance, however he felt the overwhelming desire to prove Naruto wrong.

"I would like to continue our date," he started with as much cordiality as he could fake, "I do not look down on you, I just do not have a lot of patience for id-... nervous behavior."

Naruto's thinned his glare. "I wouldn't be opposed to a movie. As long as you can manage to keep your asshole in check," he said in a forced tone.

The lecherous grin that crossed Sasuke's face was irrepressible. "Well, maybe I'll give you the chance to keep it in check yourself." Sasuke watched with mild glee as Naruto tried to hide the pink spreading across his face with an hand.

"You know, for being so pretty and... Uchiha-esque, you sure are crude."

"I just wanna make sure we're on the same page," Sasuke brushed past him in the direction of the theater a few blocks away.

"Last night, you were pretty adamant not wanting to be an Uchiha, but today you seem to be pulling out all the stops."

"You make it easy."

"Excuse me?"

Sasuke turned to look at Naruto's affronted expression. "Just like that. I bet my dad eats you alive on a daily basis."

Naruto quickly averted his face to try and hide an abashed out that Sasuke clearly saw in the store front windows. He grinned to himself, lifting his chin. Of course. He was a professional, and Naruto was an idiot.

"So what do you intern at the Hokage's office for anyways?"

Naruto shoved his hands in his pockets and slouched in an unwilling manor.

"I'm trying to get into the Hokage program."

Sasuke stopped dead in his tracks and looked at Naruto with shock. One did not just enter the hokage program, or even the internship for it.

"You're interning for the Hokage program!? That's impossible."

"Not impossible, just daunting," Naruto scratched his head in thought. Sasuke fumbled with a proper response. The Daimio selected the hokage and hokages were hokages for life. To even be considered, you had to enter a program that practically groomed you for the task. Since the qualifications required were arduous and time consuming, candidates were always chosen from people in their 20's. But to even enter the actual program, you had to have a unanimous vote from the council, hence the internship, and you had to keep it for the duration of your time in the program, even when new people were voted into office.

Getting 20 people with 20 different agendas to agree on a single person that would potentially lead them all was near impossible. The current hokage had been in office for what seemed like forever simply because no one else had ever managed to pass the candidate program even when they got the votes. He was even older than Sasuke's grandfather, and rumor was the chair would go unoccupied after his death.

"How much do you have left?" he asked, referring to votes as they started walking again.

"Um...I'm missing a little over half?"

"Let me guess? Mostly conservatives, including my dad?"

Naruto winced and looked away. "They are kinda all assholes."

"Yeah, well, they're assholes who have to acknowledge you. How many is a little over half?"

Naruto winced even further, practically shrinking before Sasuke's eyes. "17."

"That's a little more than a little over half. How many other's are in the internship with you?"

"Two.." Naruto trailed off, and Sasuke tilted his head for Naruto to continue. "Including the current Hokage's grandson, Konohamaru Sarutobi and Neji Hyuuga."

There was a gag from Sasuke at the name, a shiver of revolution shaking him. If Neji Hyuuga became Hokage, Sasuke was moving to Suna. Naruto gave a questioning look but Sasuke just shook his head.

"Yeah, good luck on that, then." Naruto was in the running with two people who probably had a huge political backing. Neji would get most of the conservative votes and Konohamaru would rake in the current Hokage's more progressive backers. There was little middle ground to claim.

"I hate politics," Naruto confessed with a sigh, to which Sasuke could only nodded in agreement.

"Half of them have no idea what's going on," Naruto continued, "and the other half only see what they want. Neither Konohamaru or Neji went to Ame, you know? They both served on joint bases in Suna. I'm not saying they would make a bad hokage, I'm just saying..." He trailed off for lack of words, and Sasuke offered up his own

"They're missing something?"

"Yeah. People treat the Ame war like it's a novelty because our losses are so low. But just because it's not our people dying doesn't mean people aren't dying."

Sasuke remained quiet, listening to Naruto talk. He'd heard all this before

"We are wasting lives playing political monopoly. I love Konohamaru like a brother, but he's too naive. And Neji is.. well.. a Hyuuga. There's too much political gout." Naruto huffed in annoyance, kicking a random rock, and Sasuke looked at Naruto with loaded interest.

"You sound like my dad."

"Yeah, well, he's one of the reasons I'm not getting any votes, so fuck him."

Sasuke was surprised with the hostility in his tone, and though it wasn't directed at him, he felt somewhat defensive.

"But he's not giving it to Hyuuga, though right?" Sasuke didn't need to look at Naruto to know he was shaking his head. Even though the main branch of Hyuuga's were in polite standing with the Uchihas, his father would probably rather gnaw off his own arm rather than let a Hyuuga take Hokage. Neji would have to work miracles to get that vote. As Naruto had said, there was too much politics clouding the decision.

"Fuck Neji," Sasuke muttered and again shivered in unrestrained hate. He sent a silent thanks to his father for at least being that sensible.

"What was that?"

Sasuke shook his head in never-mind. "If my dad isn't supporting you, it's for a good reason," he said instead.

"Ge, thanks." Naruto frowned, misinterpreting Sasuke's words as an insult. Sasuke rolled his eyes at this.

"No, idiot. If my dad won't vote for you, it's because you don't deserve it." Sasuke knew this wasn't any better with the indignant huff Naruto let off. "Look, I'm not saying you don't have the..." he waved his hand vaguely, "whatever you need, I'm just saying my dad doesn't see it."

"And what exactly am I supposed to do about that? How can I get people to acknowledge me if I can't get into the program?"

Sasuke hmmed under his breath. He considered giving a real answer. Naruto could probably start with not acting so defensive. It was a very visible flaw and made him easy to throw off - Sasuke was sure his father looked down on him for it. That would be something Neji would have over Naruto by leaps and bounds, regardless of how sure Sasuke was that his father wouldn't vote for him.

Though, honestly, from a political point of view, if the Hokage's health were to suddenly decline, his father WOULD vote for Neji, regardless of his family.

And that burned Sasuke in a way that curled his lip in disgust. He stopped walking, Naruto turning to look at him questioningly.

"If they were to vote right now, how many would Neji have?"

"6."

"And this Konohamaru?"

"Um.. probably 5."

"And you just have 3?" Naruto nodded in confirmation, though looked unsure about where Sasuke was going. Fact was, Sasuke, himself, wasn't sure himself.

He studied Naruto, eyes traveling down his torso, arms, hands and legs to pause on those god-awful shoes. He was behind and certainly the underdog by a large margin. Was this a burning desire to destroy Neji? Or perhaps undermine his father to prove something? He wasn't sure, but the series of thoughts going through his head were things he wouldn't have considered in a million years.

"Okay," he said to himself, lifting his eye's to meet a still very confused Naruto's. He offered no explanation, simply started to move along the street again. "Lets watch something scary."


	4. Four

**In case you didn't pick it up from past chapters **_"Dialogue written like this."_** indicate text messaging.**

**Warnings for mild descriptions of gore and not betaed**

* * *

**My Real Life Soap Opera  
**By: Spinestalker

"_Prey tell, my darling little brother, what did I do to deserve your hate this time?"_ Sasuke could hear his brother's voice dripping with condescending sarcasm, even if it was just text on a screen. He curled his lip as he typed out his reply.

"_Don't play coy, dickweed. You know exactly what!"_

"_I honestly don't, but whatever it was you probably did deserve it."_

Sasuke's hand tightened around his phone in seething hatred before tapping his reply a bit too hard on the keys.

"_How dare you! I do everything you ask!"_

"_You hardly do anything I beg and plead of you, actually," _Itachi responded. Sasuke wanted to use an example of why Itachi was wrong, but before anything could come to mind another message came in.

"_If you have enough time fuss at me via text, you should have enough time to come to dinner. Do you need me to send someone to pick you up?"_

"_I told you, I'm doing something, so I'm not home!" _

The trailers had just started for their selected movie. Naruto had groaned about how it was probably going to suck, but relented when Sasuke offered to pay. It had been the only showing that had fallen under Sasuke's required category of scary. A slasher type, if he remembered the TV previews, was exactly what he needed.

"_Then I can get someone to pick you up at wherever you are."_

"_I'm with someone else, so no." _

"_You know Sakura is always welcome to join us."_

Sasuke grunted derisively before dropping the contraption into his lap. Itachi was assuming Sakura was his only friend and he refused to dignify it with an answer, but when the screen lit up again, he saw his brother's next text.

"_Oh? Not Sakura then?"_

Even though they were simple letters on a white background, Sasuke couldn't help but think he sounded just a little too doubtful that he might have other friends. With an angry puff, he crossed his arms and continued to resist the urge to pick it up.

"_It's amazing how I can feel you snort even through the cell towers."_

Indignant that his brother had been more or less right, he snatched up the phone.

"_I was not. I'm at the movies, so please stop distracting me."_

"_A date?" _was the instant reply. Sasuke frowned darkly, imagining his brother's surprise. He wanted to retort that he was perfectly capable of getting dates - there really wasn't a lack of people who wanted to, just a lack of desire on Sasuke's part - but decided it was best if he didn't. Itachi would want to know who it was, and he'd probably know who was Naruto through their father's office.

"Is everything okay?" Naruto asked, drawing Sasuke's attention away from the phone.

"Yeah," he said under his breath. Naruto lifted an eyebrow and Sasuke frowned at the silent question. Normally he would just snap at him and change the subject but he didn't want to push Naruto away when he had such a concerned expression. An idea struck him and he saw the opportunity to lay down some ground work and repair earlier faults.

"Just talking to my brother. There was supposed to be a family dinner tonight."

"Shouldn't you go to that?" Naruto asked.

"I made plans with you." His voice was thick with honesty, never mind there was always a Saturday family dinner, and never mind Sasuke never went. He turned to the movie screen. The opening credits started and Sasuke forced his eyes to stay ahead, despite the urge to see the other's expression.

Naruto didn't know it, but Sasuke had big plans that placed the blond as an integral piece. It was ambitious, perhaps more so than anything Sasuke had ever decided to do, and incredibly daunting, but the goal filled Sasuke with a sense of excitement he wasn't sure he'd ever felt before.

It wasn't power that he wanted, he honestly had no idea what he would do with it. Hokages had no say in policies that weren't directly related to the military, and Sasuke had about as much interest in that as he did watching paint dry. What he wanted was proof. Proof that he was something more than just a lazy freeloader of his family name and money. Being the driving force to make some otherwise no-name loser the next hokage was just what he needed.

Of course, watching perfect fuck-face Neji fail at something was a delicious bonus.

He briefly considered before just telling Naruto he wanted to help him, but he seriously doubted someone as daft as Naruto would just accept his help after the rough beginning to their date.

So, the first step was to gain Naruto's blind and total trust. He had been able to surmise through their previous conversations that Naruto wasn't the type to openly share. He was a lot like Gabriel, in that regard. He was fine talking about light hearted things - his love for raman, the silly pictures from his childhood, or even just fussing with Sasuke, but, as with the subject of Ame, Sasuke suspected Naruto would close off when it was personal.

Normally it took time to work up to the level of trust Sasuke wanted. Naruto was already wary from before, so Sasuke had no choice but to push the fast forward button.

When Gabriel met Miko, they had hated each other, which was saying a lot considering Gabriel was the type of character that liked everyone. They had bickered, called each other names, and got arrested for starting a food fight at fancy restaurant. When Miko decided that Gabriel was the man she wanted, however, she pulled out all the stops.

While Sasuke couldn't confess to having an ounce of womanly charm, he was confident enough in his acting skills.

As much as he hated the idea of being in a relationship again, it would be the most effective way to insure he saw him regularly and garner Naruto's trust.

And sex. That was a bonus. He pictured the wet and shirtless Naruto from the night before and almost moaned.

Yes, that was a bonus.

Besides, he just needed to stay with Naruto long enough to get those 20 votes.

Sasuke didn't miss the irony that, after spending most of his life avoiding his father's politics, he was going to be diving right into the deep end.

Transforming Naruto into hokage material wasn't going to be easy. It would be time consuming but at the same time he couldn't afford to he could dally. Council votes were won and lost on otherwise random desires of it's members, and to make matters worse 10 of them were were up for election in November - including his father's.

He resisted the urge to pull out his phone and research the council, and instead lifted his hand to chew on his thumbnail. If he could score Naruto the votes before re-election...

Neji had 6, and Sasuke surmised it was probably mostly middle-ground voters. However, as a member of the branch house of Hyuuga, he was in a good position to pick up both traditional and progressive votes as well. The Hyuuga name carried very conservative ideals, but the branch house was known for being more liberal in their approach to politics. He remembered some of it's members had been one of the driving forces that got same-sex marriage legalized ten years ago.

Konohamaru had 5. The Sarutobis were notoriously hardcore progressive. He would have a hard time getting traditionalist votes though could possibly gain middle-ground from Neji.

Naruto had 3, and Sasuke could guess they could probably be easily lost, seeing as they were the minority. He would need to find out who they were and make sure nothing to get other votes would lose them. He could potentially strengthen their faith in Naruto to help gain others.

That left 6 unaccounted for. Probably his father and his deeply traditionalist supporters. If Naruto where to get those, Neji's votes would follow. Konohamaru's would have to be the last to work on - hardcore progressives were more likely to vote with a traditionalist than vice-versa.

Sasuke used the dark as cover to look over at Naruto, though he was drawn to the shoes that were propped up against the seat in front of him.

First he needed to work on his father.

His phone silently alerted him to a message and he lifted it up to read the screen.

"_Are you going a date with Naruto?!"_

Sasuke nearly dropped his phone in panic, thinking it was his brother, but quickly realized it was only Sakura. He shoved it in his pocket without answering, intent on ignoring it for the rest of the movie,

Sasuke considered his last big endeavor - college - and his subsequent failure. Itachi had warned him, and as usual he had forged ahead without heed. He had lost steam and had been unable to see it through.

What would Itachi say about this? He suddenly had the urge to find out just that but as soon as his hands reached for his phone he thought better.

It would be best to keep his relationship with Naruto on the down low from his family. Naruto would risk losing what progressive ground he had with involvement with an Uchiha, even if it did help create a conservative backing.

In the movie, the actress let out a blood curdling scream as she opened the door to find her roommate dead, and covering almost every visible service.

Sasuke quickly closed his eyes, his stomach violently recoiling from the sight. He had known coming into this movie that it would violate his phobia of blood. As the dramatic music played he turned his head towards Naruto, dramatizing his already squeamish reaction.

"You're not scared are you?" Naruto asked with a chuckle.

"No," he half lied before turning back to the screen, just in time to see blood splatter the walls as someone was beheaded. There was no need to stress his reaction this time as he all but jumped up onto his seat, but he spin his face to hide between Naruto's arm and the the back of his seat for good measure

Naruto was still laughing at Sasuke's misfortune, which won a half convincing one eyed glare.

"It's really not funny," he mumbled.

"Sorry, sorry. It's just.." Naruto said between the puffing laughs, "Why did you want to see a scary movie."

"I thought it would be a haunted house movie, not a slasher." Sasuke clung to Naruto's arm to keep it from moving. _Within these Walls_ tagline: _You're never alone _was just vague enough to sound like a generic ghost story, though Sasuke had known better. He watched enough TV to have seen the several different trailers.

But that was exactly why he'd wanted to come to a scary movie. A basic fear of blood mixed with dramatics would make for a very convincing show for Naruto.

_Look at me, Naruto, I'm (_pretending to be) _vulnerable._

A hand patted Sasuke's head in a comfort, and Sasuke 'braved' a look to Naruto, who was smirking at him. He 'bashfully' turned his head again, but didn't move his cheek from Naruto's arm.

Naruto could have been much meaner about this, _Sasuke_ would have been meaner about this, but as expected, guys like Naruto ate this shit up. Miko had done this exact same thing - exposing herself to a mild fear to endear her to Gabriel. Perhaps it psychologically appealed to his inner protective nature, or perhaps most men were just suckers. Either way Sasuke laid it on thick.

"It's not funny," he insisted again, pulling away as if insulted.

"No no, sorry, sorry. It's just... weird to see you acting so scared of a movie."

Sasuke covered his eyes with his fingers as he faced ahead. "I.. don't realy like blood. Just tell me when it's gone."

Naruto laughed lightly, though Sasuke could tell he wasn't meant to mock him. "So when the movie is over? Cause I think blood was most of the prop budget."

Sasuke groaned and cracked his fingers to see the blood covered lead actress blindly feeling along a wall.

"Do you wanna go see if we can sneak into another movie?"

"No, I wanna sit through this one." Sasuke dropped his hands to glare at the screen, only to close his eyes a few moments later.

"You're seriously hemophobic?"

"It's... stupid. It used to be worse."

"I see," Naruto paused and there was a loud rumbling bang from the speakers. Sasuke jumped in exaggerated surprise.

"Do you wanna just look at me and talk about something that isn't the movie?" Naruto sounded so caring. It almost made Sasuke feel guilty for not feeling bad that he was playing Naruto like a harp.

Almost.

"Maybe..."

"Okay, what do you want to talk about?"

Latching onto the chance, Sasuke turned in his seat to fully face Naruto. "So, do you have any family?"

Naruto appeared to instantly regretted letting Sasuke pick the conversation and recoiled slightly. "I have a dad. We don't really talk."

"Why not?"

"We don't get along."

"Why not?" When Naruto frowned, Sasuke quickly put his wide eyed 'honest curiosity' expression. To this, Naruto closed his eyes and looked away.

"We just don't get along. I don't really wanna talk about it."

Sasuke didn't much like this response, but was forced to let it go on the pretense of politeness. He would need some repertoire in order to approach this again.

"What made you want to be hokage."

Naruto leaned on his armrest, resting his chin in his hand. His eyes flickered over Sasuke's face in a careful, calculating study. "At first, when I joined the academy, I wanted to be acknowledged. But after two years in Ame, I realized what I want to do most is help people. I want peace. And I think it's possible. Not just in Ame, but with the other nations as well."

"There is a lot of hate in this world," Sasuke said, brow creasing with doubt. Peace was a bit too idealistic for Sasuke's tastes.

"Yeah," Naruto heaved a heavy sigh and turned away. Sasuke could see doubt in his expression. The task was daunting and he'd hardly taken his first step. Regardless of what Sasuke thought, that was the first thing Naruto was going to have to get rid of.

"Hey," Sasuke said sharply, turning Naruto's attention back to him. "If you want to be acknowledged as someone who could be hokage, you first have to acknowledge yourself."

A perturbed pout came to Naruto's lips. "I know I can do it! That's not the problem."

"Then why do you look like a drowned puppy about it?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Naruto snapped. Sasuke covered his face in frustration.

"Ugh, Stop acting so defensive, I'm just trying to help you."

"Why on earth would I want help from a bastard like you."

Yep. Just like he'd thought.

Sasuke leaned forward to rest his head against his hand. "Fine, don't listen to me, but when someone's trying to give you a pep talk, you really shouldn't act so angry."

"If calling someone a drowned puppy is a pep talk, then I'd hate to see you as a cheerleader."

"I'm not.." Sasuke growled, covering his face again. Why was he doing this again? He had gone forward a bit, but now was back to where they were to start with. He hadn't even said anything that off putting! How was he supposed to help without coming off so hostile?

A vague memory of a scene from _Will of Fire_ that aired more than a year ago came to mind. In a feel good moment, a character was trying to help his teenage cousin gather the confidence to try out for the cheerleading team.

"Naruto..." he sighed as he tried to remember the dialogue and apply it to this. "All I'm trying to say is that you say that you want to be hokage like a quadriplegic says he wants to climb Mount Everest - which by the way, I'm pretty sure has happened." Sasuke met Naruto's wide blue eyes and continued with a softer infliction. "There's no reason for you to think it's impossible. Because it's not."

A particularly bright scene bathed them in light, and Sasuke could clearly see amazement in Naruto's expression. He smirked at this, a little cockier than intended.

"The hokage had to sign off for your internmenship, right? He thinks you have the potential. So he's already acknowledged you, as have the three who would vote for you. The others are going to be tough to crack, but the only way you are going to be able to do that is to believe in yourself."

A breath was released slowly as Naruto softened, his eyes dropping in shame. "You're right - I'm sorry." Naruto ran a hand through his hair and over his face. "I've been climbing an uphill battle for so long to even get to this point. I'm so close, you know, but I can't even see the finish line."

"If this is a race, then it's a triathlon. One finish line at a time, okay? You may be behind right now, but you can pull ahead," and for good measure, "I believe in you."

Naruto blinked, his lips parting is silent surprise before curling into a small smile.

"Thank you."

Sasuke lifted his chin, turning to sit properly in his seat. Of course. Naruto was too easy to play, though he would need to make sure to fix that as well.

His cocky moment was abruptly turned as the screen showed a deformed man hacking someone's arm off. He groaned and covered his eyes.

"You know, I never did buy any popcorn," Naruto realized.

"It's okay." He didn't think he could have eaten it, anyways.

* * *

The night air was welcome to Sasuke's brain. The movie had been worse on his nerves then he'd liked, several of the scenes reminding him of things he hadn't thought about in years. A few blood stains here and there were fine, therapy as a child had helped ease the phobia to a tolerable level, but watching an hour and a half of people practically swimming in the stuff was tough - literally in the last few scenes - had almost done him in.

Naruto pressed a hand to his back in a comforting manner. "We probably shouldn't have stayed the whole movie."

Sasuke responded only with a groan as he scrubbed his face roughly, willing the memories to be erased.

"Why are you so scared of blood anyways?"

He dropped his hands to regard Naruto seriously. He didn't really want to talk about it, but he guessed if he wanted to continue the damsel in distress act, he might as well be honest.

"When I was little I had a lot of nightmares."

"You're scared of blood because of nightmares?" The amusement in Naruto's voice was insulting, and Sasuke turned his head sharply with a scowl.

"It's not fucking funny."

Naruto waved his hands apologetically. "No no, I didn't mean to make it sound like it was funny. It's just odd. You don't strike me as someone with a lot of fears."

Sasuke continued to frown, but a little more at himself than Naruto. He had a lot of fears, and each one as stupid as the next.

"Anyways," he said out loud to change the subject his brain was about to wander onto, his feet also idly moving down the street, "I had therapy when I was a kid - I'll get over it."

Naruto stepped beside him, his head tilted to watch Sasuke's face. Paranoid, Sasuke schooled his expression into a cool facade.

"You know, you're really hard to read. And I'm a good people reader."

"Then maybe you should just ask me rather than trying to guess," Sasuke suggested.

"I have, all night, but you never give an answer. Not a real one, anyways."

"I can say the same about you." Sasuke gave him a flat expression from the corner of his eye. Naruto laughed lightly and scratched his head sheepishly.

"Sorry. I don't really like talking about myself."

"How am I supposed to get to know you if you don't?"

"Do you actually want to get to know me?" Naruto sounded surprised and Sasuke regarded him with a serious expression. He wanted to use Naruto to prove himself - he supposed getting to know Naruto was part of that.

"Yes," he said.

Naruto smiled, a bright honest one that caught Sasuke off guard, and Naruto suddenly had a skip in his step. "Then I'd definitely like to get to know you, too, Sasuke."

Sasuke marveled at him as if he'd suddenly grown a third head, wondering where the hell this bright happy Naruto came from.

"Do you have multiple personalities or something?"

Naruto barked out a laugh, spinning in his steps to walk backwards in front of Sasuke. For once, he didn't seem insulted. "What? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, do you?"

"Wah! No, no. Only one me in my head. But I should be asking YOU that question. Do YOU have multiple personalities?"

Sasuke scowled at him for such a stupid question, even if he'd been the first to voice it. "I don't think you could handle more than one me."

"Oh, dear God, that's the truth!" He turned back around, lifting his hands casually behind his head in a carefree style. Sasuke continued to watch this awestruck.

"How come.."

"Waaah!" Naruto spun, poking a finger into Sasuke's chest, effectively stopping him in his tracks. "No way, you asked the last question."

"You asked me if I had other personalities."

"Yeah but that was your question, besides you asked a lot of questions before that."

Sasuke didn't really want to talk about himself, but relented. It would be a good way to keep Naruto's guard down "Okay, fine, we can take turns. But if a question is too personal, we say so."

"Okay then.." Naruto crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes in concentration. "What were your nightmares about?"

Sasuke almost considered not answering, but decided he'd already told him a lot as it was. "I dreamt I'd come home from school to find my family dead."

Naruto winced. "Dead? Like...?"

"Everyone dead." Sasuke responded immediately, not wishing to dwell on the subject for long. "My grandfather, mom, dad, uncles and aunts, even my idiot cousins."

With each listed relative, he could see their bodies in his minds eye, making him shrink into himself. He already regretted sharing so much, and with every second Naruto studied him in silence, it grew worse.

"You didn't say your brother."

Sasuke held his breath, before letting it out. "To personal."

Naruto nodded slowly, stepping aside for Sasuke to walk beside him. "Okay. Your turn."

"Why'd you quit school when you are 16?" There was a pause before Naruto answered, and Sasuke almost thought he might not.

"I was a bit of an outcast," he started slowly " A bunch of stuff happened and.. lost my temper a lot. I got into a lot of fights, got into a lot of trouble. Then.. well.. someone who was important to me was forbidden from ever seeing me again and I just - well I guess I wanted to prove something. I quit, got my GED, then joined the academy."

Sasuke played all this in his head a few times, wondering as to who this important person was. "Two years to graduate had to have been tough."

"It was hard - but it kept my mind off a lot of things. Three weeks after I graduated, I requested to be sent somewhere else."

"Why?"

"... Too personal. What about you? You go to school?"

"Too personal," came Sasuke's instant reply.

"Whaa? How is that to personal?"

"The simple answer is no."

"And the long answer?"

"Too personal." Before Naruto could press, he quickly asked his question. "What about your mom?"

Naruto sighed, eyes ahead with a blank expression. "She died when I was 13."

"How?"

"Childbirth. Her and my little brother both died."

Sasuke could remember when he was 13. His mother had been pregnant with Haku and on bedrest. There had been whispers and Sasuke could remember being scared that he would lose her. He couldn't imagine what it would have been like.

"I'm sorry," he said honestly.

Naruto nodded solemnly, and Sasuke didn't say anything else, letting Naruto go ahead with his next question.

"Ahh, lets see... favorite TV show?"

Sasuke's face suddenly burned as he instantly thought about his soaps. He quickly shook his head. "To personal."

"How can a TV show be too personal?"

Sasuke ducked his head to hide his eyes behind his bangs, but it didn't hide his blush.

"What? Is it an embarrassing one? Are we talking like kiddy cartoon bad? Or is it like teen drama bad?"

"HEY!" Sasuke burst out before he could stop himself. He frowned then finished meekly, "Some of those teen dramas aren't so bad."

"Haha! So it is a teen drama? What is it? High School Gossip? OH! What about that one that they sing and dance on?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "It's not a teen drama, but I'm still not answering you."

"Okay, okay. But I'm picking another, because you gave me nothing on that one."

"Fine..." Sasuke sighed.

"Okay, then... Sex," Sasuke perked up at this, and Naruto elaborated, "When was the last time you - uh... you know? Had it?"

"You talk like a virgin," Sasuke pointed out, to which Naruto blushed.

"Just answer the question."

Sasuke had to think about it. It had been breakup sex, which was just about as sad as sex got. His shoulders slumped at the memory. "A little more than a year, I guess. What about you?"

Naruto's reply was a darkening of his blush and Sasuke grinned darkly.

"Are you a virgin?"

"N-no!" Naruto waved his arms defensively, "I'm not! I just..."

"Well then, when is the last time you had sex?"

"Ahh..." Sasuke watched with amusement as Naruto scratched his head, looking everywhere but Sasuke. "I guess 5 years ago."

Sasuke's jaw dropped. "When you were 15?"

"Don't say it like that. You make it sound worse."

"It's not that big of a deal. I was 14 when I first had sex."

"14? Seriously."

"Don't say it like that. You make it sound worse," he mirrored, "and it was already pretty bad anyways. I was just figuring things out but it was a very big mistake."

"How was it a mistake?"

Sasuke paused as a coil of self-disgust tightened in his chest. There were a lot of things Sasuke would undo if he could, but that night would be his first.

"It was at a school sports event, he was there with the other team. I didn't even know his name. We were about the same age, both more curious than prepared so it turned out pretty bad on his end."

Naruto was watching him carefully, thankfully quiet of any more questions. He had already shared with Naruto more than he ever shared with even Sakura, who only knew the vaguest of details.

"Definitely too personal," he added belatedly. "What about your first time?"

Naruto hmmed in consideration. "My one and only time, actually. It wasn't a mistake so much, though. I guess we were rebelling against her dad in a way. One last stick-it-to-the-man kinda thing."

"Only you were sticking it to a girl," Sasuke critiqued with a smirk. Naruto laughed, ducking his head.

"I guess I was."

A thoughtful silence fell between them, as they meandered in the direction of the small park in the middle of the shopping district. It was a nice night, the rain having brought in warmer weather, though the air was still crisp and fresh. March in Konoha was probably the best month, in Sasuke's opinion.

As they strolled silently through the trees along a paved walkway, Sasuke became aware of the intimacy of the moment. Occasionally their shoulders would bump in an un-awkward way, and the silence was comfortable. This gave rise to a sensation that wasn't wholly as pleasant. The sudden urge for fight or flight took hold, but he pushed past it. He needed to keep Naruto at an arms length, and that meant letting him get close.

He boldly wrapped his arm around Naruto's pulling him in the direction of the grand oak the park was dedicated to. Naruto's shoulders stiffened, but Sasuke ignored it.

"It's your turn," he reminded Naruto.

"Oh, um..." Naruto started, but fell short as he struggled with something to ask. When Naruto didn't pull away, Sasuke tightened his arm's hold. This only delayed Naruto's question.

"Well.. why did you .. I mean last night.. you know."

"I would have thought it was pretty obvious that I was attracted to you," Sasuke smirked as Naruto blushed, free hand scratching his head. They came to a stop under the tree with it's old gnarled wood and Sasuke, still not letting go of Naruto's arm, faced him.

"I wouldn't have normally," Sasuke admitted, taking a step closer so their chests were touching. Naruto gave him a wide eyed expression, but let Sasuke continue. "but I was drunk and bolder. But maybe a little inebriation isn't so bad since it got me to his point, huh? I don't regret it."

He was leaning so close their noses were touching. It would take nothing for Naruto to move forward, and mentally Sasuke urged him on. He looked as if he might take the bait, but didn't get over the hurdle of his apprehension. Sasuke frowned when Naruto turned his head away.

_Want me, Naruto._

"I really don't know what to do with you. You were kinda a dick before, now you're all... this."

"I was nervous," Sasuke lied.

"And now?" Naruto asked as he met their eyes again.

"My goals are much clearer."

Slowly, Sasuke lifted a hand to the side of Naruto's jaw, fingertips pushing into soft hair. His heart sped up from anticipation, and his breath caught at the look Naruto was giving him. He could see the clear blue eyes darken as his pupils dilated and he knew his own were doing the same.

Despite the sudden surge of nerves, Sasuke was careful not to rush. This was a first kiss and it had to be perfect.

He swallowed thickly, licking his hips, and was suddenly sharply aware he could still faintly taste the raman in his mouth.

He could erase Naruto's memories of the rocky start in just a few seconds. He could dig his nails in deep. He would have Naruto. He would get what he wanted.

His palms grew warm and his fingers flexed nervously as his eyes darted to focus on Naruto's lips.

He had to look vulnerable. He had to have Naruto want him. But on that same line, he needed Naruto to feel wanted as well.

Deciding to nudge at Naruto's inhibitions, Sasuke leaned forward to brush his lips to Naruto's, relishing the feel of soft skin against his. Kissing was something he didn't realize he had missed until it was an agonizing seconds away. Naruto was still being so hesitant, even though his eyes were half lidded, head tilted just so.

Milli-seconds felt like hours, and Sasuke was starting to shake with the need _to move this along_. This wasn't high school, they hadn't even known each other for 24 hours yet! There was no need to not just TAKE what you wanted.

And Naruto NEEDED to take it. There would be no way he'd ever become Hokage if he couldn't even claim a first kiss.

Inches away, their eyes met again, Sasuke's full of question and Naruto's uncertainty. A fearful thought came to mind that maybe, just maybe, Naruto didn't want this. He was uncertain because he didn't know how to push Sasuke away.

Rejection was a dull knife that no matter how many times it stabbed you, you never got used to the pain. He dropped his gaze and pulled back, feeling a lot like an idiot. He was being stupid anyways - he wasn't his father or Itachi or Shisui. He was a loser who couldn't finish anything he started. Only hours after deciding he would shape Naruto into the next hokage, he had already failed.

He supposed it was better this way, anyways. At least he wasn't dragging someone else down with him.

He took a step in retreat and made to withdraw his arm from Naruto's. It was probably a good idea to end this here and go home.

"Wait." A steely grip caught his wrist and jerked him forward, forcing Sasuke to take back the step or fall. Naruto's piercing eyes flickered between Sasuke's and for a horrifying second Sasuke genuinely felt vulnerable. He was sure Naruto could see his deepest failures and faults, all the disgusting little things that made him such an awful person. He pressed his free hand to Naruto's chest to push him away, turning his face to the side, but Naruto's warm hand caught his jaw and turned him back.

"I'm sorry," Naruto said softly. Sasuke scowled and winced away at the expected rejection. "I'm not being fair to you. Here you are, being honest, and I'm still half expecting you to be up to something."

Fear froze Sasuke in place. He _was _up to something, but honestly it wasn't anything that would hurt Naruto - in fact he was going to help him achieve a dream. Sasuke managed to relax marginally, though guilt kept his eyes from meeting Naruto's. He tried to make it appear bashful, but wasn't sure how successful he was.

"I... I'm sorry... for how I acted before," he said tentatively. "I was nervous. I acted kinda like an idiot last night and I was just..." he trailed off, unsure of what to finish with. Naruto apparently made his own conclusions, as he smiled softly.

"I deserved it, last night. Labeling you because of your family name isn't any better than I've been treated in the past." Naruto breathed out a soft sigh, his breath tickling Sasuke's cheek. Sasuke turned, surprised at how close they were again. "I still really don't know what to do with you."

"We can take this one step at a time, if you like," Sasuke said, instantly regretting what that implied. "If we hate each other in a few weeks, it's not like we can't just break up."

"Then a second date wouldn't be presumptuous?"

Sasuke took in a slow breath before letting it out with a "No."

Naruto smiled and stepped back, though his hand linked with Sasuke's. "It's late. I should probably walk you home."

Sasuke frowned at such a notion. "I don't need to be walked home."

"No, no, You're right. but I don't really wanna leave you just yet." Naruto's fingers tightened, and Sasuke reflexively tightened own his grip. It had been a long time since he'd held someone hand like this. They were warm where they connected, a contrast to the crisp air. It was just pleasant enough to bring back that claustrophobic feeling.

He had 8 months to get Naruto those votes - but he was starting to wonder if he would make it out alive.

* * *

**I can't be sure, but I think Sasuke might have Cock-blocked himself. :|**

**Please review!**


	5. Five

**No beta, so please forgive errors QQ I rewrote the summary to better fit the story. From this point on, while NaruSasu is the main theme, be prepared for any one else.**  
**This chapter just kinda took off on it's own, but I kinda love writing some of the side characters a little to much.**  
**Please enjoy, and be sure to let me know what you think. I got some very thoughtful replies about this story, and I am deeply grateful!**

* * *

**My Real Life Soap Opera****_  
_**By Spinestalker

_/Why do you build me up - build me up - buttercup, baby.../_

The trial wasn't going well for Dante. Though he kept his oh-so-sexy cool, a barely perceptible twerk of a glower gave hint that he was far more worried than he was letting on. When anyone spoke or looked his way, he put forth a cocky and unconcerned smirk, so it was only the camera that saw the deeper currents of turmoil. The first witness had been an off duty police officer, who had seen Dante rushing a lavender haired woman into a car.

No one knew about Miko's baby yet - she had asked Gabriel to give her time to tell her family, which gave him time to break it to the lovely Lorie.

...who was pregnant too. Could it be Gabriel? Could it be her husband's? She had told her sister, who knew of the one night stand, that she was 100% sure that child had not been conceived that night- though the way she worried her handkerchief and a mantra of "It's Rex's" under her breath told otherwise.

...but Rex went to a doctor where he had a conversation where he said "I don't know how I'm going to break this to Lorie." Naturally, all evidence was pointing to Rex being infertile and Lorie being forced to tell the truth.

He wondered if anyone in Soap Opera Land had any idea what birth control was.

Sasuke scrolled over the text on his phone, Soap Mag Online showing a banner of Dante looking contemplatively into the camera, his blue eyes twinkling with mischief.

God, Dante was too fucking hot. They should not allow an actor as gorgeous and talented as Minato Namikaze to play a bad guy. Rex was older, and while ruggedly handsome, it was a little too gruff for Sasuke's tastes. He supposed if he were older, maybe.

But, if Dante were the devil, Sasuke would be the first to sale his soul.

_/...you never call baby when you say you will - say you will - but I love you still.../_

"Are you listening to anything we are saying?"

Sasuke lifted his head, blinking owlishly at Ino, who was giving him a pointed glare.

"Yes," he lied.

"Oh? And what were your opinions?" Ino asked..

Sasuke looked back and forth, Ino with a knowing grin, and Sakura looking perturbed.

"I think what you guys were saying is good," he started slowly. The last subject they had been on was wedding plans, so he went with that, " you know I'm not good at this kind of thing, so I really don't have a proper assessment. I'm just really glad you and Kiba are back together."

Ino lifted a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "You better be careful there, Sasuke. You're starting to sound like a politician." Sasuke scowled at both the accusation and insulted on his father's behalf.

Sakura pressed her lips tight in a disappointed frown that she directed at Ino. "Actually, I was just asking if you'd be okay with a pink tie and vest?" she turned to Sasuke. "Since you are my maid- man.. my man of honor, and the bridesmaids will be in dresses the same color.."

An image of being dressed in a hot pink suit popped in his head and he nearly felt sick but he instead shrugged.

"It's your wedding."

Sakura smiled happily. "I promise it won't be bad."

Grunting a vague reply, Sasuke propped his chin on his hand as he watched the people walk by on the street.

_/somethin' somthin' somethin' some- - Bah da da! /_

Sunday had greeted him with a cheerful house call from the two gabbing girls across from him, at a much earlier hour than he'd have expected. It wasn't even noon yet, but he had been lured to the other side of town by the promise of the best coffee ever. He was glad to hear Sakura and Kiba had a real heart to heart and had chosen to keep the baby, though as he expected they were going to rush to get married. He had anticipated them to drill him about Naruto, but they had yet to bring it up, which lead him to believe when they did, he was going to be in trouble.

Normally he would rush to get out of their presence to avoid the topic, however Ino had delivered and he had now finished the last of his Turkish coffee, that had, in fact, been the best ever.

He sighed, and lifted his phone to once again scroll through the website. In his personal fandom, it was taboo for to pursue Soap Opera information outside of the allowed time slots, so fear of spoilers kept him to only small portions of the site, but the galleries of the cast were not off limit.

And there was a lot of galleries for Minato.

But still, he was so exhausted, he hardly gave each picture pause as he swiped to the next. Maybe he should start sleeping more. He had tried, at first, but ended up on his couch staring blankly, half masturbating out of boredom, as a infomercial tried to sale him the greatest hits from several decades ago.

_/...-Hey, hey, hey! - Da da somthin, somthin' .../_

One of which was playing on repeat in his head.

He tried to work out a plan on how to deal with Naruto, in both personally and politically. He honestly didn't want a long term serious relationship, but Naruto had this strange aura that seemed to turn off Sasuke's common sense. After he'd gotten home, his hand had still burned from Naruto's group, and he could have cried with longing for even a fucking kiss, of which they did not have, much to his dismay. Nothing made one ache for a good make out session more then having been centimeters away one.

But, having Naruto around did increase his chance of getting laid, eventually, without too much effort. There had always been a faint understanding between him and his penis that sex was pretty good, but his anti-social nature tended to avoid the required social activities to score, leaving the latter neglected and the former to deal with it solo. He'd said they could go slow, but Sasuke had high hopes that, sooner and not later, Naruto would give in.

He'd done a preliminary search on the council to distract himself from the misery of his self cockblock, but this had only added a new angle to his suffering as the realization of just how daunting even a few votes was going to be.

He had been able to surmise some who Neji had (there was apparently a Hyuuga holding one seat, which was going to be a problem) and half guessed who may have had the Ko-whosawhatshisname's, but he was still mostly clueless. Unless he was going to ask Naruto directly, then he would just have to approach with the view that all the votes were up for grab.

Which still left with him helping Naruto get his father's first.

_/"Da da da da daa, hmm hmm hm hmmm..."/_

He really should just look up the rest of the lyrics to that song

"Are you humming?" Sakura asked incredulously.

Sasuke, not having realized the annoying tune had managed to escape his head, pouted ever so slightly.

"I got a song in my head."

Ino gave a coy grin and leaned forward with her elbows on the table. He was instantly on guard.

"Oh? Perhaps sweet love songs about a hot blond?"

And there it was.

Sasuke blinked at her blankly, suddenly too tired to respond. Having to deal with Naruto one thing, having to deal with other people with regards to Naruto was another. It didn't help there wasn't much to talk about. After a second he forced a deep breath.

"It was just a date." He tried to sound neutral and vacant, but Ino and Sakura still let out identical squeals that pierced Sasuke's temple. He looked down at the grounds in the bottom of his cup with longing. He should get more.

"Wha! Sasuke and Naruto!" Ino gushed.

"They have to be the cutest couple, ever!"

"Oh my God, Naruto is gonna be Kiba's best man, so they will be walking down the aisle together!"

Ino gasped as if this was the most amazing thing. "What about when they get married?"

"Sasuke would be the bride," Sakura nodded sagely. Sasuke's head snapped up at this.

"Excuse me?"

"He would look the best in white," she explained, ignoring his outrage.

"Though he is far from a white wearing bride..." Ino winced.

"Hey! As if you're any better, you polygamist freak."

Ino turned to Sasuke, her eyes hard. "For the millionth time, Shika, Chou and I are not like that."

"No one believes that," Sakura pointed out, and Sasuke quickly nodded in agreement.

"You really should just go ahead. I mean, it will save you the hassle of them scaring off your boyfriends-"

"-and you scaring off their girlfriends," Sakura interjected and Sasuke emphatically motioned at her for the point. Ino looked at the two with a blush burning her cheeks. After a moment of gaping like a fish she finally hit her finger to the table, tapping it in objection.

"This is not about me - this is about Sasuke and his romance with Naruto." She waggled her brows suggestively, causing Sasuke to burst into a groan, both remembering he hadn't gotten any, as well as dreading the subject of his sex life with Ino. She always seemed to want to know more than she should.

She was a perv.

"I thought Naruto was straight," Sakura commented, lifting her coffee cup to her lips. He watched her wince as it was probably cold with neglect.

"I would label him as bi-curious," he said calmly. Sakura's eyebrows shot up.

"I wouldn't have thought you'd touch that with a ten foot pole."

"Why's that?" Ino inquired.

"Well, you see, in high school, there was this guy-"

"You know what, lets not talk about this," Sasuke interrupted suddenly, seeing this conversation going places he didn't want to go. Sakura shot Ino an _'I'll tell you later_' but Sasuke chose to ignore it.

"Wow, Sasuke wanting to not talk about something unpleasant from his past? That's new and exciting," Ino drawled with a roll of her eyes. Sasuke glared.

"Anyways," he said forcefully,"It was a date, we ate and saw a movie; no big deal, no sparks of romance, no fireworks."

"Will there be a second?" Sakura voiced her question in a melodious tone that made Sasuke suddenly dread the coming months even more.

"Yes. Next weekend, maybe. He is out of town all this week because of some work things."

Sakura beamed happily at him, though Ino's eyes were sharp on him and he fought the urge to fidget under the scrutiny. She was a psychology major at the military academy, and too frequently used her lessons on her friends. She even wrote a 10 page essay on Chouji's physiological profile.

Naturally, Sasuke really didn't like being examined so closely, and was the biggest reason he never took to her as Sakura had.

"Naruto is a really good guy," she finally said. There was something about the cryptically blank tone that made Sasuke almost feel threatened. He narrowed his eyes at her, wondering just what she was up to.

"How long have you known him?" Sakura asked, completely missing the dangerous air around the other two.

"Hmm, I met him just after I joined the academy, though he was a graduate," she said casually, turning to Sakura, "Shikamaru and Chouji have known him most of their lives. I know they think very highly of him."

"What do you think about him?"

"I can see why they like him so much. It's easy to get caught up in him when he's around because he's very a sincere and dedicated type of guy."

He knew just what she was talking about. Ino's words brought Sasuke back to when he had been listening to Naruto talk about the council and Ame. It had been the way he'd spoke that made Sasuke think that Naruto really was capable, hence his decision to help him get the votes. It hadn't been until he'd gotten home and away from Naruto that the weight of the task had hit him.

"Wow! I can't believe Sasuke is dating a Hokage candidate!"

Sakura saying his name brought him back to their conversation.

"Intern, actually," Ino corrected, "But to even get that is a big deal. All of the of the highest ranking generals were interns at one point. Hokage or not, Naruto is pretty much guaranteed success in the military. If Sasuke wants a serious relationship, Naruto's the guy."

"Wow, Sasuke! What a catch!" Sakura was wide eyed with awe when she turned to Sasuke with a bright smile. He shifted uncomfortably under the pressure of her happiness for him.

"Well, It's probably best if it's kept on the private side," Sasuke said quickly, "Being in a gay relationship is one thing, being involved with an Uchiha is another."

Sakura looked appalled on Sasuke's behalf but Ino was suddenly leery.

"That's awfully selfless of you, Sasuke." Sasuke glared at this, to which she continued casually. "But you're probably right - the way you talk about him, I'd suspect your father alone wouldn't vote for him on principle."

Sasuke frowned in irritation, keeping the defense of his father sealed behind pressed lips. She was probably right, but he didn't really want to hear someone else say it.

Suddenly, Sakura cried out in surprise. "Oh! Hey!" She rasping her knuckles against the window. A group of men outside turned around, confused for a brief moment, before their eyes fell on Sakura's beaming face. It was Kiba, Shikamaru, Chouji, and, to Sasuke's mixed feelings, Naruto. Their eyes locked for what felt like a second too long, causing a bubble of nervousness to brew in his stomach. Sasuke wasn't really so sure he was ready to see him so soon.

The four turned to each other and had a brief conversation, Naruto looking at his watch, before Kiba lead the group to the cafe door. The nervousness exploded into a flourish of butterflies. He wasn't really going to be able to play the Good Mood Sasuke he had been on the date, mostly because everyone else would know instantly how out of character it was. Not to mention, he didn't really have the energy to pull it off.

The four men entered the cafe with a welcome from the baristas, but only Chouji seemed interested in the pastries behind the glass.

"Hey, guys!" Sakura beamed, through her smiled was directed at Kiba. Sasuke was momentarily amazed at how happy she looked - she had been in a good enough mood before, but now she was positively overflowing. Last week - no - the last year hadn't happened. There was no doubt, no lingering fears. She was so in love, and it shined off her like the sun.

Warmth spread through his chest and he felt nauseous with jealousy.

He lifted his phone, pulling open a random news app to read the headlines as if he actually cared, keeping his eyes anywhere but his blissful best friend, or the gorgeous blond standing nearby.

"What are you doing here anyways?" Ino questioned.

"We were headed to meet Shino and get his truck to help Naruto move into his new apartment," Kiba answered, his focus so directed on Ino and Sakura's side of the table, Sasuke was given the feeling of cold shoulder, even though he hadn't said anything.

"Oh? What district?"

"Horinji, It's a few blocks from the Oak Blossom park," Naruto answered, to which Sasuke's attention perked a little. That was the district where his apartment was, and the Oak Blossom was the one they had taken their walk in. Both Sakura and Ino gave him twin grins, seeing his back straighten a little, but Sasuke rolled his eyes.

That was going to get old, fast.

"Well, I have my car and the three of us are free if you need any help," Ino offered.

"We are?" Sasuke asked her incredulously.

"We are."

"That'd make it go faster..." Shikamaru drawled lazily, and Sasuke could tell he was about as excited as Sasuke.

"I don't wanna inconvenience you," Naruto added with a nervous scratch of his head. Sakura just waved her hand dismissively.

"No inconvenience at all, right Sasuke?" she pointedly looked at Sasuke with a bright smile, and his sullen demeanor doubled.

"Not like I have anything else to do..." He grumbled then pushed to his feet quickly. He nearly collided into Naruto who was forced to take a sharp step back. He relished the momentary proximity, remembering how good it had felt standing close to him before but When Naruto took step, it was as if he were stumbling for unnecessary distance.

The coffee in his stomach turned sour at the vague sense of rejection, and even though he didn't think he could stomach any more he suddenly felt claustrophobic and wanted to get away.

"But not without more caffeine," he declared irritably before slipping past Naruto, who again seemed to dodge him.

"See? Wha'd I tell ya? He's an asshole," he heard Kiba mutter under his breath to Naruto, but Kiba's voice carried and Sasuke had heard it as he moved across the cafe. He heard Sakura squeak in his defense, but not what she said.

Was Kiba the reason Naruto was suddenly acting weird? Had he been feeding him bull shit? He shoved his arms into his sweatshirt's pockets, feeling angry and degraded...

And hurt. He felt very hurt.

The four guys seemed to agree with Sasuke's idea of coffee, as they left the girls at the table to join him in line. He pointedly tried to ignore their chatter in favor of squelching the foreign feeling of betrayal. He wasn't sure if it was because he suspected Naruto believed whatever Kiba had been saying, or that Kiba had said it at all. He knew Kiba didn't like him, but he had always at least classified Kiba as something higher then just anyone. He was going to marry his best friend, for fucks sake. Why the hell would he sabotage any relationship he might have had with Naruto?

He let out a soft sigh, trying to hide his despondency behind his carefully trained apathy. If that's what Kiba thought about him, then that was what he thought about him. Sasuke wasn't about to bend over backwards to please him.

"I'm surprised Sakura managed to get you out and about twice in one weekend," Chouji said, his friendly and light tone sucking Sasuke out of his thoughts. He was one of the few people Sasuke could honestly say he liked. Even though the Akimichi hair always seemed to want to get him involved in the conversation, he was always polite enough to avoid personal topics.

Seeing as the Kiba was pointedly engaging Naruto in a conversation that Sasuke was not part of, he decided Chouji's light chatter was welcome if for any more of a reason then to prove he was perfectly capable of being nice.

Besides, it was a distraction from the bitter ache.

"It's Ino's fault," he informed cordially, "she said this was the best coffee shop in town, but I wasn't going to spend 40 munites on a bus to get here."

"Ah! So you were bribed. That sounds like Ino." Chouji's laugh was rich, his pudgy face breaking into a kind smile. There was something innately attractive about Chouji that had nothing to do with looks. He'd always imagined that, under different circumstances, Sasuke could have relished Chouji's friendship. Sometimes, like even in that moment, surrounded strangers and people who looked down on him, Sasuke had this strong urge to just talk to him. Talk about what was bothering him, talk about how annoying it was to hear so called friends make random slights against his family, talk about how badly his exs hurt him, how much he hated himself, how weak he felt, how so scared he was of failing that he didn't even try anymore. In these strange random fantasies born from a deep sea of loneliness, Chouji would listen and, unlike Sakura or Iatchi, not try to offer advice or fix the problem. Maybe, just maybe, Sasuke would be able to do the same for him.

But as it was, Sasuke was too anti-social and Chouji too polite. The Akimichi clan was also one of the most progressive in Konoha; so in direct opposition to everything the Uchihas stood for, it made Sasuke physically uncomfortable.

And a deep down, painfully honest, part of Sasuke knew that he was a very shallow individual. Perhaps had he been born to a different family, any other family, he would have pursued more than just casual chit-chat.

He let out a soft laugh to himself. If Ino and Shikamaru WEREN'T involved with him, they were fucking idiots.

"You must really like your coffee, then. You did always seem to be willing to do anything for a good cup," Chouji joked, bringing Sasuke out of his reverie.

"I would," he admitted casually, his fondness spilling out into his voice, though even to his ears it sound like it was for coffee and not the real reason.

What was taking this Batista so freaking long, anyways? And what was it with Sasuke getting into slow moving lines lately?

"I always thought you'd do anything for caffeine in general," Shikamaru said. Sasuke wasn't surprised to find he had been listening to their conversation and not Kiba's. There was a protective edge Shikamaru and Ino had with regards to Chouji, lending to the jokes people made about their personal lives. It was much more tell-tale with Sasuke, whom he probably worried would take advantage Chouji's sweet personality.

"I would," Sasuke responded with a defusing tone, letting his voice get somewhat husky and eyes half-lidded, "Though nothing below the belt, and only if it's really strong."

Shikamaru was caught off guard if any indication from the abashed expression, but Chouji laughed as the random and slightly flirtatious remark slid off like water.

"You always say the weirdest things," Chouji said as he scratched his head.

A soft pull of Sasuke's cheeks brought an easy smile to his face, finding that even though they didn't have a deep friendship, Sasuke appreciated having Chouji around. He hadn't realized he was still smiling until he noticed the astonished look Shikamaru was giving him.

Not wanting to sink his suddenly buoyant mood, he simply turned away, allowing the small smile to continue to play on his face.

* * *

**This is gonna be longer then I'd planned even though this chapter is way shorter then intended. Break is over for me tomorrow, and I wanted to get something out, rather then let it sit a while longer. I'm not even going to lie, I need reviews to press on. T.T**


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